There is a box that sits underneath my bed. Some would call it a box full of memories, but to me it is more. It is a box full of life. Well, actually, more of a box full of parts of a life lived. Its contents signify a snippet of time that was amazing and beautiful and the greatest thing I have ever known. That's partly why I keep the box. I have moved on from that time, but there are things that I don't want to forget. The further away I get from it, the more I start to forget little things and moments and words that were said. Things that I want to remember. Things that will flash in my mind for years to come and bring a smile to my face and a feeling of warmth and gratitude for them. Like I said before, I've moved on and am not quite the same girl I was back then. But sometimes it's nice to go back to that time and visit the old me, the one who was in love with him. The contents of the box freeze him in time and keep him the way that I want to remember him. The box holds the boy that I loved. That is why I keep the box.
After watching a sad movie earlier tonight, my emotions were a bit heightened. This is a relatively normal occurrence for me with the sad movies. When my mood is still altered afterwards, if I allow myself, I just start to think and let my mind wander where it may. Often times it lands on him. Tonight was no different. Tonight my thoughts lured me to the box, specifically to the book inside of it. The Little Prince. It's his favorite book. I had never read it before, so when my birthday came around not long after we started seeing each other, he gave it to me as part of my gift. When I opened it, he told me to pay close attention to the part about the fox. He didn't want to get into any more detail other than to tell me that he was my fox. He told me to remember that when I read it. He kissed me as he repeated again that he would always be my fox.
I went into the box tonight and carefully pulled out the book. I opened it up to the title page, where there is an inscription written below the title, "To my little princess...." I can see where he started to make a letter 'L' to write "Love" before his name, but changed his mind and turned it into his first initial. But I know that he wanted to write it. I know because of what he told me the night after he gave me the book. And I know because I felt it, too. Then I opened the book to the page that I have marked and started reading as if I had never read the words before. But then as it always happens, I heard his voice in my head speaking them:
"...But if you tame me, my life will be filled with sunshine. I'll know the sound of footsteps that will be different from all the rest. Other footsteps send me back underground. Yours will call me out of my burrow like music...For me wheat is of no use whatsoever. Wheat fields say nothing to me. Which is sad. But you have hair the color of gold. So it will be wonderful, once you've tamed me! The wheat, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I'll love the sound of the wind in the wheat...Please...tame me!"
"Here is my secret. It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes...People have forgotten this truth, but you musn't forget it. You become responsible forever for what you've tamed."
You know, you wouldn't think a passage in a children's book that says, "You're the way my fox was. He was just a fox like a hundred thousand others. But I've made him my friend, and now he's the only fox in all the world," would make someone tear up, but you'd be wrong.
But at least now when I think about my fox and tear up, I also smile at the same time. I'll always have his book, and the inscription that still causes me to put my hand to my mouth as I catch my breath. The book will be where it always is, in the box under the bed. It will sit in the box underneath photos of a blindingly happy couple. Photos of two people who don't exist anymore. At least not like that. The book will sit next to an old box of his cigarettes, which is next to the wooden carrot. I loved that carrot. And the carrot is placed under mementos from our first date. All of these things and more are kept in the box, which is still secured with the cardboard and tulle bow on top. I remember the look of excitement and anticiptation and utter glee on his face when he pulled the box out from behind his back and presented it to me. The box once held the most meaningful gift I have ever been given. Now it holds more. For inside the box are glimpses of the time of my life, snippets of a happy time and place where the rest of the world didn't exist, and it was just me and my fox.
Comments? Sign the book!
before & after
2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile
Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.