Awards season is officially upon us and I�m going to try my best not to make ANY jokes or comments or mention of any �Party of the Year� nonsense this time. I think I shot my �Party of the Year, my ass!� wad with my recaps from last year and the year before, so I�m just going to leave it to die from its previous beatings.

Is everyone ready?

Is the booze flowing?

You know, I must first say that I must have been hit on the head with a blunt object at some point during the past year, because both yesterday and today I found myself being excited about tonight�s show. Do I not remember that I get Shyamalaned with this show every year? �Oh, yay! Golden Globes, this is going to be so good and so fun and�oh, wow � that sucked ass.� Yeeeahh, so I am trying to bring down my excitement level before I begin to a nice -30. Also, this year to keep myself awake and sane, I�m adding a Fantasy Winner Award for certain categories, so I can pretend that the people I want to win have won. And since I�m having Fantasy Awards tonight, I�d also like to introduce you to my Fantasy Date for tonight�s proceedings, Mr. Gavin DeGraw. Hello, Gavin.

GAVIN DEGRAW: �Chemical party....�

Sorry, in my head he says that a lot. I...don�t know. Really. My head is a scary place. Anyhoo, let�s just get right to it, shall we?

- Nancy O�Dell? No stupid song this year? What gives? No ridiculous song and hot Clooney right away? Hey, this isn�t starting off too badly....

- Lisa Rinna, Fergie, blonde Alanis � why are they there??

- Oh...no. I've spoken too soon - there�s the song. Oh my God. Don�t Cha? Kill me now.

- I love Adrien Brody, but he kind of looks like he�s on a bender. Still hot, but on a bender nonetheless.

- Best Supporting Actor, George Clooney. Okay, I�ll take that. I would have preferred Giamatti, just because � come on. Is he going to be film�s Lucci now or what? I�ve seen Duets more than once because of him. (Okay, and Scott Speedman looking hot helps.) But Clooney is a fine choice as long as Giamatti can score that Oscar. Actually, I would have even been happy had Will Ferrell won. He was hilarious in The Producers. Fantasy Winner: Paul Rudd, for The 40-Year Old Virgin. �You know how I know you�re gay? You like Coldplay.�

- Why doesn�t that look like Rachel Weisz? I don�t want to be mean, but what happened to her face? Why is she distorted? She�s such a pretty woman, but she looks like she borrowed Liza Minnelli�s makeup or something.

- Best Supporting Actor, TV Series, Mini-Series or Movie: Fantasy Winners: Jason Dohring, Veronica Mars and Will Arnett, Arrested Development. Oh, Logan. And don�t even get me started on how much I love the Gob. Co-ka! Co-ka! Co-ka!

- Damn, Brandon Routh is hot. Superman, indeed.

- Sandra Oh rocks.

- Hi, Drew Barrymore�s boobs. Gavin, don�t look. GAVIN DEGRAW: �Chemical party! I mean, I love Pam.� Thank you. Drew, here�s a bra. This is a FAMILY show. P.S. Nice rack.

- Gwyneth, can you look more bored? I hear ya, sister.

- Nicollette, Nicollette. Let�s talk. I�ve always loved you, you know that. When I was in high school, I wanted to be Paige Matheson. However, I need to talk to you about this whole going back to Michael Bolton thing. Have you seen Office Space? Because they�re not lying. He IS an ass clown. Get out now! Flee!

- Best Actress, TV Series Drama. Fantasy Winner: Lauren Graham, for Gilmore Girls. Sorry we�ve overlooked you all of these years, Lorelai.

- Aww, Geena Davis. I�ll take that. I like the Geena. Sadly, I�ve seen The Long Kiss Goodnight far too many times, and every time I see it, I want to dye my hair platinum blonde. �Die screaming, motherf*cker!� Great speech, too.

- �I�m so in love with Donald Sutherland.� No. Just no. Geena Davis, you go and find yourself a copy of Don�t Look Now, the unrated version, and watch it. Make sure you pay close attention to the scene where you see 70�s era shaggy Donald full-on naked. Then try to sleep tonight. While you are WIDE AWAKE, think again about what you said and then get back to me. I�m still scarred for life.

- Wentworth Miller is so hot.

- I walked out of The Producers thinking, �Why is Matthew Broderick gayer than Nathan Lane?�

- Best Mini-Series or TV Movie - Fantasy Winner: No One Would Tell, starring Fred Savage and Candace Cameron (and Eric Balfour!). Sure, it was on in 1996, but it was CLEARLY overlooked that year. Just think back to that scene when Fred Savage was using those hand-grip weights and was all crazy eyes. She�s wearing a mini-skirt?! [pump, pump, crazy eyes, crazy eyes, pump, pump]

- Melanie Griffith, that tattoo is just classy with a capital �K.�

- Best Actor, TV Series Comedy � Carell, awesome! I liked most of these nominees (Jason Lee, old school Celebrity Boyfriend), so I didn�t care who won, but I was rooting for Steve Carell. Great speech as well. What�s up with all the fun speeches? I love it. Well played, folks. Fantasy Winner: Neil Patrick Harris, for How I Met Your Mother.

- Best Actress, Musical or Comedy � Reese owns this, even though the movie is neither a musical or a comedy. So we�ll just let Reese win while I talk about The Family Stone. I saw this movie the other day and it was SO good. I don�t know who was in charge of marketing it, but it really isn�t a comedy either. It�s a dramedy, with more drama than anything else, and it isn�t Meet the Parents with Sarah Jessica Parker as the trailer would have you believe. It�s really, really good and you should see it. Okay, soapbox speech over. Gavin? GAVIN DEGRAW: �Chemical party?�

- Best Lead Actress, TV Comedy - Fantasy Winner: Jessica Walter, Arrested Development. I�d cry, but I don�t think I can spare the moisture.

- Candid �during the commercials� crowd shots � I wonder what Kevin Nealon and Tim Robbins are talking about. Do they really have anything to talk about? How much they miss American Gladiators, maybe?

- Johnny Depp in my signature colors � even hotter than usual. [sigh]

- Dear Emma Thompson: Please make more movies, preferably not called �Nanny McPhee.� Thank you.

- When is Joaquin going to win? He�s such a creepy weirdo and I love every minute of it. Joaquin! Joaquin!

- Donald Sutherland again � AAGGHH! Flashbacks of horror!!! Seriously, see him naked. You will never be the same again. He even has the early 70�s �stache. [shudder]

- It�s an hour and fifteen minutes into the show and the clock has officially stopped moving. It was going by so fast there for a while, too! Now...zzzzzzzzzzz...huh? What�d I miss? GAVIN DEGRAW: �Nothing. And I love you, Pam.� Good boy! And yes, I�ve clearly gone mad. It�s these shows, they�re doing it to me. Blame the HFPA Hunk.

- It�s funny, because I just don�t get the whole Colin Firth thing. You�d think that a boy lover such as myself would be all over that, but I don�t see it. He�s a good actor, but I�m not getting the hunk thing. (I�ve also never gotten the Tom Cruise thing.)

- I really want Harrison Ford to randomly yell out, �Get off my plane!!!� That would rule.

- Where�s Jake Gyllenhaal? Mama wants some eye candy. GAVIN DEGRAW: �Hey!� Sorry, baby, I didn�t mean it. Now give me some sugar. (My God, I�m going mad. Blame the Hunk!)

- Mmmm...Josh Duhamel. So that�s why the hell Fergie is there.

- Best TV Series, Musical or Comedy - Fantasy Winners: Arrested Development & The Office. Can I just point out one more time how much I hate the fact that Desperate Housewives is in this category? Ridiculous. Now I want Marc Cherry to randomly yell out, �It�s a satire!�

- Paging Joaquin...Joaquin...where is Joaquin? Am I going to have to wait another hour? Kill me now. Wait, show Johnny Depp again first.

- Commercials � I refuse to see the new Pink Panther movie. I love you, Steve Martin, but there is no other Clousseau after Peter Sellers. You just don�t remake something like that. Speaking of Peter Sellers, if you�ve never seen The Party, I highly recommend it. Ooh, Giovanni Ribisi is back on My Name is Earl this week. How I love the Ribisi. I wish I had made a copy of the fan letter I sent to �Vonni� when he was on My Two Dads.

- Best Original Song - Christmas in Love? What the hell is that movie? They made that up.

- Oh my God, that shot of the guy feeling the sleeve of Gwyneth Paltrow�s dress may be my favorite moment of the night. You just know he was saying at the time, �I like your sleeves. They�re real big.�

- Ooh, the Cecil B. DeMille Award, aka snack time. I�m not that hungry right now, so instead I�ll take this time to talk about this year�s recipient, Anthony Hopkins. Well, actually, I�m just going to talk about a movie he was in, Howard�s End. I love Howard�s End. I loved the book, I loved the movie, it just rules. (My friends often scratch their heads over this when they see the DVD in my collection alongside Bill & Ted�s Excellent Adventure and Dumb and Dumber.) However, there is one thing that has always bothered me about both the book and movie � what happens to Tibby?? One of my college professors actually remembers me as the girl who always asked about Tibby. But seriously, I loved him in the book and the actor who played him in the movie was simply adorable, but his character just kind of disappears about 3/4 of the way into the story and is never heard from again. There�s no resolution for him at all. Is he still sick? Is he okay? Did he get married? Is he out looking for me, his true love? WHAT HAPPENED TO TIBBY?? Wow, who knew the Cecil B. DeMille Award would send me back into Tibby-Obsessed Land? Sorry. Moving on....

- I�m watching some of these Anthony Hopkins clips (sorry, Gwyneth, I mean �Antony�) and I think I need to see that Magic movie about the ventriloquist whose dummy orders him to kill. I�m sure it must have inspired the genius Puppetmaster series in some way. (Love the foul-mouthed baby puppet � ooh, and the one with the drill head!) Oh my God, I�ve taken to going off on a tangent about Puppetmaster. Help me.

- Ang Lee, this still doesn�t make up for The Hulk.

- Best Actor, Musical or Comedy � Ooh, is it Joaquin time? Sorry, Johnny, I loved you as Wonka, but you know I need my Joaquin. In a perfect world, you�d be winning in this category and Joaquin would be nominated in the DRAMA category, but this is the effing Golden Globes, so you know how that goes. Oh, wait � Cillian Murphy. Hold on a sec, Joaquin � I need to bask in the Cillian. Cillllllllian. Okay, carry on. Oh, Joaquin - he�s like a poor little nutbag. I love it. Joaquin! Joaquin! GAVIN DEGRAW: �I think he�s been at a �Chemical Party.��

- Now what is there left to look forward to? Come back, Joaquin!

- Best Picture, Musical or Comedy - Fantasy Winner: The 40-Year Old Virgin - no movie made me laugh more last year.

- �Get off my plane!� Now I�m just getting punchy.

- Ellen Pompeo is so creepily thin. She�s like the Cryptkeeper.

- Best TV Series, Drama � Prison Break is nominated? Seriously?? Anyway, this one is Lost�s to lose. J. J. Abrams, I�ve loved you ever since Felicity. Fantasy Winner: Veronica Mars. Any show that can make Harry Hamlin awesome again deserves an award. Now the big question is, what will they do for Guttenberg?

- Hot older man alert! Dennis Quaid in the house!

- Commercials � I want that bench with the Ronald McDonald statue on it for my house.

- Why you gotta be such a jackass, Russell Crowe? You�re a good actor, and I don�t want to hate you, but come on now. Give me SOMETHING to work with, man.

- Terrence Howard rules. I watched Hustle & Flow the other night and waited the whole time for Taryn Manning to sing, but she never did. That�s your random fact from my weekend. No singing, just some nappy-ass braids.

- Philip Seymour Hoffman! Yay! Way overdue, my man. See that, Giamatti? There�s hope! Maybe next year it will finally be your turn.

- Yeah, yeah, I�m just going to wrap up before Brokeback Mountain inevitably wins. (WHERE IS JAKE?!) All in all, the show actually wasn�t too bad this year. The middle was a little slow and boring, but it had some genuine (and good) surprises and some pretty engaging speeches. It�s no Party of the Year, but I�ll take it.

Now if you�ll excuse me, Gavin and I have some �things� to do before our date is over. Let the fantasy live on!

Catch you all at the Grammys....


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.