First of all, I have to begin with the lesson I have learned from my experiences: The fantasy is ALWAYS better than the reality. Oh yeah, and most of the guys are kind of married sleazeballs. Not all, but most. The ones who aren't are usually just wackos. Well, that's been my experience. It could be just me, because I seem to be made of wacko-velcro. There was a Pepsi delivery guy at one of my previous jobs who used to come in and hit on me something fierce. Some of the things he said were just out-of-control dirty. And it takes a whole lot for me to get offended, (Me? Kinda dirty. But in the good way.) but I would be with some of the things coming out of his mouth. Jerry Seinfeld had nothing on him with his comment about his girlfriend's mother laying out her panties. The Pepsi Guy would be offering to come and "kiss it better" while I was healing from my hysterectomy (ew!) and then the next minute he'd be whipping out pictures of his kids and telling me about the vacation he and his wife were taking them on. Oh, but he and his wife didn't get along - he was only with her until he could save enough money to move out. Question: do guys actually think we buy this shit?? Are they that stupid? Anyway, he wasn't bad looking, but not my type at all. But I'm not here to tell the story about him or the other 2 at work hotties - it's the FedEx Guy I've come to tell the tale of. Phew. Shall we?

Purr. That's the first thing that I did when I saw this guy. I was working at a gift shop at the time, and one day I opened the back door to find a Super Hot FedEx guy standing there to, um, deliver a package. As I signed his clipboard, he started talking and out came this ridiculously sexy accent. He was from Portugal, and man, did he fill out that uniform nicely. After he left, I just stood there with my mouth agape, all of the women I worked with laughing at me. They told me that was Leo, and he started delivering to us the week before. He didn't come every day, but usually two or three times a week. I would go running whenever I heard a knock coming from the back room. Everyone at work knew to wait and let me answer the door. Soon, I was flirting lightly with Leo, and we would talk a little bit more every time he came in. He would call me "The Rose," which just sounded so HOT with the rolling r's. One day Leo and I got to talking about clubs, and he said he liked to go out dancing. He mentioned that he was going to one particular club the next night. I took that as a sign and dragged Lucy's ass over there to go look at him. He finally showed up later looking even hotter out of uniform, and he dragged me out on the dance floor where he started dancing all close and sexy and samba-y. When we turned and I was facing Lucy, we both just looked at each other with the open mouth "Oh My God!" face. After that night, Leo started getting flirtier at work. Finally, one day I timed it so I would be out back taking out the garbage around the time he delivered. I was excited to see his truck coming around the corner as I threw the last bag in the dumpster. He drove right up and stopped by me to chat. We talked for a few minutes and then he invited me to meet him up again that night. I agreed, and he said something about a sneak preview. I didn't know what he was talking about. He reached his hand out and I still had no idea what was going on. I thought he wanted to shake my hand for some odd reason, like a "hey, I'll see you tonight" sort of thing, but when I stuck my hand out he grabbed it, pulled me up into the truck and just started kissing me. It was bizarre. There I was in my stupid-looking work smock, kissing some hot Portuguese FedEx Guy right next to a huge dumpster. How utterly romantic.

After Leo drove away, I ran back into work all flushed. The owner was in that day, and he asked me what took so long doing the trash. Instead of making something up like any normal person would do, I just said, "Leo just kissed me! We just made out by the dumpster!" I'm not sure that telling your boss that you were just spending company time making out with the FedEx Guy ranks high on the list of "the best things to say to your boss," but mine came back with an odd response. He just cocked his head and asked, "Was he a good kisser?" Best. Boss. Ever.

Oh man, I'm rambling. Okay, let's shorten this story up. I didn't end up meeting up with Leo that night, but I did go to his house that weekend where more making out ensued. But it wasn't as good. It was weird seeing him in a domestic environment, wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts. And let's just say his kissing skills were not exactly the best. The bloom was coming off "The Rose." (I know. LAME, Pam) Anyway, SCANDAL erupted the next week when I mentioned something to the UPS Guy about favoring Leo over him and he dropped the bomb that Leo was married. Oh, it was the scandal of the week at the store. I called Leo that night to ask him about it, and he sadly told me that he and his wife had separated two months before that. He then invited me over and he just sounded so sexy that I momentarily forgot that it was weird the last time and went. And this time, it was even weirder. He started off by showing me pictures from his wedding!! It was totally weird. I spent the whole time thinking up excuses of how I could get out of there, because I really didn't want to know more about this guy because his hotness had lost its thrill. There was no kissing or flirting or anything going on, which makes the next part weirder. While I was looking at a picture, he got up and just took off his shorts. Then he said, "Remember me?" From when? The time I've never seen you before? WTF? And WHO SAYS THAT?? Guys - 98% of women do not enjoy the talking penis, especially when it says stupid shit like that. The hell? Any attraction I had ever had for this man was totally gone at that moment. I didn't know what to do, so I just kind of laughed, but then he went up behind me and sat on the top of the back of the couch, with one leg on each side of me. I was just sitting there, fully clothed and completely skeeved out, wondering why the hell he was sitting on the top of the couch, naked. I was looking the other way so as not to turn my head and come face to face with "it." After realizing I wasn't paying any attention to his antics, Leo got down and put his shorts back on. As I made an excuse and started gathering my things, he said, "Do you want to have sex?" I wish I could put into words the complete apathy and disgust that came through in my cool response of, "Nah," but I just can't. "Nah." Then I got the hell out of there. Luckily, I was starting a new job a week later, so I was able to avoid Leo the rest of my time at the store. The day after that weirdness, I was telling the story to some coworkers and decided to draw a picture to illustrate the couch weirdness. I don't know why, but the ridiculous picture became legendary. Someone wanted to put it on a t-shirt. I tried to recreate it as best I could here:

Boy, that was a long ass story. And I sure said "weird" a lot. Good thing I decided not to talk about the others. But just believe me when I say this: The Hot Scotts of the world are best left to fantasy. You never want to hear them say, "Remember me?" Ew!

Co-Worker Fasion Faux Pas of the Day: Faded tight brown jeans.

Comments? Anyone have a good Man-at-Work story? Sign the guestbook!

before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.