Everything's More Fun In Pigtails!
2006-03-05 || Oscars, 2006 Style

My forehead�it�s burning up�I think I�ve got�OSCAR FEVER!

Okay, yeah � that was lame. My head is not burning. I don�t have a fever�unless you count OSCAR FEVER! Nope, still lame. Let�s try again: Hi, I�m Pam and I love The Oscars. I even take the day after off every year trying to start my own holiday, National Day After the Oscars. Okay, that one was true, but still lame. Let�s try one more time:

Oscars 2006 � let�s do this bitch.

Hells yeah. I�m actually looking forward to the show this year, even though a lot of people are complaining about the movies not being �big� enough or whatever. I usually don�t care about the Best Picture award anyway. I�m here for the other awards, and this year I�m all about the acting categories. (And I will forever be all about It�s Hard Out Here For a Pimp, even though it won�t win and Terrence Howard isn�t performing it. But still.) This is the first time in quite a few years where I�d be happy seeing any number of the nominees win in the acting categories. Sure, there are some that I�m pulling for more than others, but I�d be happy with a number of outcomes, so this could be a good year. Plus � Jon Stewart. I mean, come on. I don�t think there�s much more that can be said about that except for, �Thank GOD Billy Crystal won�t be there singing that �Oscar, Oscar � who will win?� song.� Anyway, enough rambling, let�s get to the show. Shall we?

8:05 - Great opening. Does Jack Nicholson only leave the house to sit in his Oscar and Lakers seats now? Keira Knightley looks a little creeped out to be sitting next to him. She�s got her �Dirty Old Man� face on.

8:17 - Best Supporting Actor � I�m rooting for Giamatti, but I�ll be happy with anyone but William Hurt. Cloons! Okay, I�ll take that. I enjoy The Clooney. Good speech, too. But what�s with the music during the entire speech? Cut that shit out, orchestra or I�m going to be pissed all night. (I still feel bad for Giamatti. Have these people never seen Duets? Actually, don�t answer that one. I may be one of the 3 people who has.)

8:25 - The Tom Hanks Acceptance Speech bit � brilliant. Had me laughing out loud. Thanking Hooch? Genius.

8:27 - Ben Stiller � I�m still laughing. I imagine that is how I would be reading the names of the nominees as well. Love it. Hey, this show might be really good this year.

8:30 � Still with the acceptance speech music. I�m going to smack a bitch, y�all.

8:33 � Best Animated Feature. Like we all didn�t know that Wallace and Gromit would win, but I was still rooting for Tim Burton just because, dude, Tim Burton. Victor Van Dort replaced Trent from Daria as my animated boyfriend.

8:36 � What would the world be like without Dolly Parton? She kinda rules.

8:42 � You know I love the Joaquin, but did he eat Delaware or something? Holy bloat! I�d still do his weirdo ass, though.

8:44 � What, no Andrew Wilson? At least there was a Bottle Rocket shout-out. If only Owen had followed it up with a yell of �Ca-caw!�

8:54 � Whatever genius spelled Will Ferrell�s name on the marquee as �Farrell� is so fired.

8:58 � I just enjoy the fact that Steve Carell is at the Oscars. You�ve come a long way, baby, and good on you.

9:01 � Keith Urban is so hot. I remember drooling after seeing him in his first video years ago, wiggling around in the back of a cab as he sang about it being �a love thang.� Nice land, Kidman.

9:04 � Whoa, don�t get so dressed up there, Morgan Freeman. I�m only allowing it because of The Electric Company.

9:08 � Commercials � Beyonce looks like Punky Brewster with the 8 different eyeshadow colors on. Who thought that looked good? She looks like a rainbow crack whore.

9:15 � Best Actress Nominee commercial parodies � awesome. Colbert!!! Dear Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Chris Rock, etc. � that�s how it�s done.

9:18 � How did Ludacris get such a good seat?

9:21 � Charlize � I�ll let the Fug Girls really have at you, but seriously � what is up with that hideous dress? Were you channeling Rita when you picked it out? It does you no favors, girl.

9:42 � Academy President � you�re losing them, man. I�ve never seen a crowd so bored. It�s actually quite amusing to see the looks on everyone�s faces. Get the hook.

9:45 � I can�t look away from Salma Hayek�s lopsided boobs. What�s going on with that dress?

9:47 � Original score medley � zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz�. Can we just get to It�s Hard Out Here For a Pimp already? None of this instrumental score nonsense.

9:55 � I love Jon Stewart.

9:56 � Jakey! Finally some eye candy. Aww, I want to take him home and have him as my puppy or something.

9:58 � ENOUGH with the montages already. God! Where is It�s Hard Out Here For a Pimp???

10:00 � Why exactly is Jessica Alba presenting at the Oscars? For her stellar work in Idle Hands?

10:02 � Hey, Frito is up for an Oscar for Best Sound Mixing.

10:07 � Honorary Oscar � Let me take what I call the evening�s �snack break� to talk about the show that my DVR is currently recording on the dual tuner, and that is the masterpiece that is Vh-1�s Flavor of Love. I know I talked about this show after the first airing, but it has just gotten trashier and better ever since. Last week�s episode was perhaps the best 45 minutes of reality TV that I�ve ever seen. I�m really hoping that Flav doesn�t click with anyone so we get to have a second version, because the show is pure brilliance. A �special date� at Medieval Times? Check. A contestant�s MOTHER hitting on Flav? Check. A girl spitting on another with the biggest loogie I�ve ever seen? Oh hell yes, check. Watch for a marathon next week if you haven�t seen this train wreck yet. It�s pure gold.

10:12 � Altman is still talking. Joaquin is still bloating.

10:14 - Pimp, coming up! It�s about damn time. Whoop that trick, baby.

10:16 � Commercials � Shyamalan! I�m shaking my fist on sight. Friggin� Shyamalan.

10:18 � FINALLY. �You know it�s hard out here for a pimp�.� I miss Terrence.

10:24 � NO WAY. It�s Hard Out Here For a Pimp did NOT just win. Holy crap! That is so awesome it�s not even funny. No, wait - it is funny.

10:26 � Marc Anthony gives me the heebie jeebies.

10:28 � I am so loving these fake promotional ads. Please host every year, Jon Stewart.

10:30 � Dead people.

10:41 � Ziyi is pronounced Zoo-y? Huh.

10:44 � Best Actor time already. I like all of them, although we all know I�m secretly rooting for the Joaquin just because of my freak love for him. But I think Hoffman is going to take it, and that thought pleases me as well because I�ve enjoyed him for years. Terrence Howard rocks, and I like Heath Ledger from 10 Things I Hate About You, back when his mouth was marble-free. What did Joaquin just mouth? Who does he love? Me? Was it me? Yes, yes it was. Shut up, it was. Ah, Hoffman as expected. Deserved. Next time, Joaquin � please don�t be vexed.

10:57 � Best Actress � I�m so over Jamie Foxx. Reese � class act. I enjoy The Reese. The best part about seeing her win this award tonight is the fact that Frito made me watch Freeway last night, and if you�ve ever seen that, you�ll see why I find this to be so fun and awesome. She just totally screwed my Oscar pool, though, as I thought Huffman would pull the surprise victory. Nothing against The Huff, but in this case, I�m happy that I was wrong.

11:06 � I still can�t believe that It�s Hard Out Here For a Pimp won. Hee!

11:10 � Best Adapted Screenplay winners � dude, who wears jeans with a tuxedo jacket to the Oscars? Gross.

11:19 � Best Director - I love Tom Hanks. I love the SNL sketch he did when he played the figure skater � he should win an award for that. Oh yeah, that�s right � there�s an award show going on. So Ang Lee � I�m still not forgetting about The Hulk, you know.

11:24 � Best Picture - Crash - wow, that actually was a surprise. I feel like Shakespeare in Love all over again.

Wow. So for the wrap-up: I really enjoyed the show this year, much more so than many of the last few years. There were some great and deserving winners, Jon Stewart rocked, I laughed out loud a number of times out of enjoyment and It�s Hard Out Here For a Pimp won, for crying out loud. Great show � I can�t wait for next year.


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile


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