Okay, yeah – that was lame. My head is not burning. I don’t have a fever…unless you count OSCAR FEVER! Nope, still lame. Let’s try again: Hi, I’m Pam and I love The Oscars. I even take the day after off every year trying to start my own holiday, National Day After the Oscars. Okay, that one was true, but still lame. Let’s try one more time:

Oscars 2006 – let’s do this bitch.

Hells yeah. I’m actually looking forward to the show this year, even though a lot of people are complaining about the movies not being “big” enough or whatever. I usually don’t care about the Best Picture award anyway. I’m here for the other awards, and this year I’m all about the acting categories. (And I will forever be all about It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp, even though it won’t win and Terrence Howard isn’t performing it. But still.) This is the first time in quite a few years where I’d be happy seeing any number of the nominees win in the acting categories. Sure, there are some that I’m pulling for more than others, but I’d be happy with a number of outcomes, so this could be a good year. Plus – Jon Stewart. I mean, come on. I don’t think there’s much more that can be said about that except for, “Thank GOD Billy Crystal won’t be there singing that ‘Oscar, Oscar – who will win?’ song.” Anyway, enough rambling, let’s get to the show. Shall we?

8:05 - Great opening. Does Jack Nicholson only leave the house to sit in his Oscar and Lakers seats now? Keira Knightley looks a little creeped out to be sitting next to him. She’s got her ‘Dirty Old Man’ face on.

8:17 - Best Supporting Actor – I’m rooting for Giamatti, but I’ll be happy with anyone but William Hurt. Cloons! Okay, I’ll take that. I enjoy The Clooney. Good speech, too. But what’s with the music during the entire speech? Cut that shit out, orchestra or I’m going to be pissed all night. (I still feel bad for Giamatti. Have these people never seen Duets? Actually, don’t answer that one. I may be one of the 3 people who has.)

8:25 - The Tom Hanks Acceptance Speech bit – brilliant. Had me laughing out loud. Thanking Hooch? Genius.

8:27 - Ben Stiller – I’m still laughing. I imagine that is how I would be reading the names of the nominees as well. Love it. Hey, this show might be really good this year.

8:30 – Still with the acceptance speech music. I’m going to smack a bitch, y’all.

8:33 – Best Animated Feature. Like we all didn’t know that Wallace and Gromit would win, but I was still rooting for Tim Burton just because, dude, Tim Burton. Victor Van Dort replaced Trent from Daria as my animated boyfriend.

8:36 – What would the world be like without Dolly Parton? She kinda rules.

8:42 – You know I love the Joaquin, but did he eat Delaware or something? Holy bloat! I’d still do his weirdo ass, though.

8:44 – What, no Andrew Wilson? At least there was a Bottle Rocket shout-out. If only Owen had followed it up with a yell of “Ca-caw!”

8:54 – Whatever genius spelled Will Ferrell’s name on the marquee as “Farrell” is so fired.

8:58 – I just enjoy the fact that Steve Carell is at the Oscars. You’ve come a long way, baby, and good on you.

9:01 – Keith Urban is so hot. I remember drooling after seeing him in his first video years ago, wiggling around in the back of a cab as he sang about it being “a love thang.” Nice land, Kidman.

9:04 – Whoa, don’t get so dressed up there, Morgan Freeman. I’m only allowing it because of The Electric Company.

9:08 – Commercials – Beyonce looks like Punky Brewster with the 8 different eyeshadow colors on. Who thought that looked good? She looks like a rainbow crack whore.

9:15 – Best Actress Nominee commercial parodies – awesome. Colbert!!! Dear Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Chris Rock, etc. – that’s how it’s done.

9:18 – How did Ludacris get such a good seat?

9:21 – Charlize – I’ll let the Fug Girls really have at you, but seriously – what is up with that hideous dress? Were you channeling Rita when you picked it out? It does you no favors, girl.

9:42 – Academy President – you’re losing them, man. I’ve never seen a crowd so bored. It’s actually quite amusing to see the looks on everyone’s faces. Get the hook.

9:45 – I can’t look away from Salma Hayek’s lopsided boobs. What’s going on with that dress?

9:47 – Original score medley – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…. Can we just get to It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp already? None of this instrumental score nonsense.

9:55 – I love Jon Stewart.

9:56 – Jakey! Finally some eye candy. Aww, I want to take him home and have him as my puppy or something.

9:58 – ENOUGH with the montages already. God! Where is It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp???

10:00 – Why exactly is Jessica Alba presenting at the Oscars? For her stellar work in Idle Hands?

10:02 – Hey, Frito is up for an Oscar for Best Sound Mixing.

10:07 – Honorary Oscar – Let me take what I call the evening’s “snack break” to talk about the show that my DVR is currently recording on the dual tuner, and that is the masterpiece that is Vh-1’s Flavor of Love. I know I talked about this show after the first airing, but it has just gotten trashier and better ever since. Last week’s episode was perhaps the best 45 minutes of reality TV that I’ve ever seen. I’m really hoping that Flav doesn’t click with anyone so we get to have a second version, because the show is pure brilliance. A “special date” at Medieval Times? Check. A contestant’s MOTHER hitting on Flav? Check. A girl spitting on another with the biggest loogie I’ve ever seen? Oh hell yes, check. Watch for a marathon next week if you haven’t seen this train wreck yet. It’s pure gold.

10:12 – Altman is still talking. Joaquin is still bloating.

10:14 - Pimp, coming up! It’s about damn time. Whoop that trick, baby.

10:16 – Commercials – Shyamalan! I’m shaking my fist on sight. Friggin’ Shyamalan.

10:18 – FINALLY. “You know it’s hard out here for a pimp….” I miss Terrence.

10:24 – NO WAY. It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp did NOT just win. Holy crap! That is so awesome it’s not even funny. No, wait - it is funny.

10:26 – Marc Anthony gives me the heebie jeebies.

10:28 – I am so loving these fake promotional ads. Please host every year, Jon Stewart.

10:30 – Dead people.

10:41 – Ziyi is pronounced Zoo-y? Huh.

10:44 – Best Actor time already. I like all of them, although we all know I’m secretly rooting for the Joaquin just because of my freak love for him. But I think Hoffman is going to take it, and that thought pleases me as well because I’ve enjoyed him for years. Terrence Howard rocks, and I like Heath Ledger from 10 Things I Hate About You, back when his mouth was marble-free. What did Joaquin just mouth? Who does he love? Me? Was it me? Yes, yes it was. Shut up, it was. Ah, Hoffman as expected. Deserved. Next time, Joaquin – please don’t be vexed.

10:57 – Best Actress – I’m so over Jamie Foxx. Reese – class act. I enjoy The Reese. The best part about seeing her win this award tonight is the fact that Frito made me watch Freeway last night, and if you’ve ever seen that, you’ll see why I find this to be so fun and awesome. She just totally screwed my Oscar pool, though, as I thought Huffman would pull the surprise victory. Nothing against The Huff, but in this case, I’m happy that I was wrong.

11:06 – I still can’t believe that It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp won. Hee!

11:10 – Best Adapted Screenplay winners – dude, who wears jeans with a tuxedo jacket to the Oscars? Gross.

11:19 – Best Director - I love Tom Hanks. I love the SNL sketch he did when he played the figure skater – he should win an award for that. Oh yeah, that’s right – there’s an award show going on. So Ang Lee – I’m still not forgetting about The Hulk, you know.

11:24 – Best Picture - Crash - wow, that actually was a surprise. I feel like Shakespeare in Love all over again.

Wow. So for the wrap-up: I really enjoyed the show this year, much more so than many of the last few years. There were some great and deserving winners, Jon Stewart rocked, I laughed out loud a number of times out of enjoyment and It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp won, for crying out loud. Great show – I can’t wait for next year.


before & after





2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile
2006-09-14 - An Entry About Hall & Oates? Really?





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.