You know, I�m hoping I can even do this show some justice, because it�s going to be hard to convey just how truly bad it is. Jerry, the King of All Bad TV and Movies, is actually the one who dubbed it the worst public access show ever, and he watches a LOT of public access. Has for years. So when he says it, oh Lord, it is BAD. And we do have a wealth of bad public access here in Rhode Island to choose from. If you�ve ever seen the episode of Family Guy when KISS comes for a concert, there is a scene at the beginning of the episode where Lois and Peter are watching a KISS fan show on public access. Seth MacFarlane (who went to college here) was not making that up � it used to be on Sunday nights at midnight. I believe it was actually called Rock and Roll All Night. But of course.

Aaaaaaanyway � back to the newly crowned �Worst Public Access Show Ever!� � it was on at 2 AM, which should give you some indication of the quality of the show. Jerry and I had just finished sitting through a thirty minute �performance� piece on another show that made absolutely no sense. It was an original play acted out by the Osbournes Halloween figures and assorted wresting action figures. I still don�t know what it was about. But anyway, then a new show started up at 2 AM, and for one hour Jerry and I sat there transfixed by the horror of it. It was just so�so�horrible. I shall try to do my best with it, even though Jerry is claiming it is impossible to describe. That�s why I have decided to use the wonderful help of screen captures and video clips. Let�s get to it, shall we?

The show begins with a really cheesy character generated image of the production company�s name in the standard white block lettering on a blue background. Then the show launches into a terribly grainy video presentation of something from the 70s. It stars everyone�s favorite, Papa Pie (or, as he is also billed in other parts, �Poppa Pie� or �Papa Pye.�)

You know who else is in it? His friend Frederic!

I still haven�t figured out Frederic�s purpose in the show. He seems to just sit there and do nothing. Actually, they all kind of just sit there and do nothing. There are 4 guys in the little show and they meet up on and off and just sit there and talk. The set looks like a small room in the unfinished part of my basement:

And what do they talk about, you ask? Actually, I have no idea. From what I�m told, they�re speaking Creole, which is one language I have yet to learn. Click here to see a video clip and tell me if you know what they�re saying. (The video quality is really bad because that�s how it actually shows up on TV. Not only is it bad in content, but also looks.) I�m sure you�ll agree it�s gripping television, whatever they are talking about. I love how Frederic just sits there, weaving. Here�s another one. Jerry and I still can�t figure out what that gold thing is on that guy�s head. By the way, after seeing this show, I have found out that Papa Pie is a famous Haitian comedian. Now maybe it�s just me, but I don�t see what�s so funny about any of that, even if I knew what they were saying. Papa Pye sure isn�t exuding his usual craziness, from the looks of this movie poster that I found online:

Now if something wacky like that was on, I would probably enjoy it. Maybe I�ll request it. Anyway, my favorite character out of the 4 guys in this video is Gracie. Oh, without a doubt. He holds his pants up with a rope belt, much like Anton the homeless guy on In Living Color. But what I love most about Gracie is the blaring hole in his shirt:

Anyway, so Papa Pie and his buddies sit around jabbering for about 25 minutes and then the show goes back to the lovely blue screen. Then the host comes on and makes this pronunciation, calling this �the best show on TV today.� Liar. Then, for the next 30 minutes, we are treated to video of a kids league�s basketball game. No, seriously.

We even get the exciting shot of someone else filming the game.

Oh, and it sure is a nail-biter, what with the kids making about 6 baskets the whole time. Jerry and I couldn�t wait to find out if Team ZBT would beat Team�Councilman Jackson?

Oy. I don�t know many people who enjoy watching a kids basketball game even when their kid is playing, and I know even less who want to watch it AGAIN on TV after suffering through it in person. I know even less people who would like to watch a kids basketball game on TV that featured no one they knew. It was just torturous. You want to show off your kid? Fine, I�ll give you 3-5 minutes of time to show the highlights of the game. Anything more than that is just no. Just no. These kids could have built a whole house with all of the bricks they were throwing up. At one point halfway through the game, the screen went blue and returned to the main intro where we were told to �stay tuned.�

Jerry and I thought we were saved from the game, but it just resumed, as did our groaning. Finally, after a half an hour, we were treated to something marvelous that could even be better than Papa Pie. The host of the show, Steve, has made himself an �untitled music demo video.� Well, that�s what he�s calling it in the credits at the end of the show. It�s basically just a casio keyboard backbeat with some odd waaooeey noises thrown in. But the best part is the video aspect. Steve pretends to be performing the song. Well, part of the time. The rest of the time he is either trying to see himself on a monitor, taking a drink, or ignoring the camera altogether. You really have to see it to believe it. Check it out here. I love the part where he is just randomly drinking. He then moves on from the harmonica to a plastic flute. No, really:

And, in my favorite part of the video, he makes a phone call:

Wanna see it in action? Click here.

Classic. Shortly thereafter, the show was over and Jerry and I were sad. Well, actually, we were still wondering what the hell we just watched and why we sat through the whole hour without changing the channel. The best show on TV today??!! You�d think so with the combination of Papa Pie, Gracie, and the �untitled music demo video.� But you try sitting through an hour of it, including that full half hour of 10 year-old basketball action. It�s torturous, yet you are powerless to turn it off. In fact, I may have to watch it again this week. I wonder what that crazy Papa Pie is up to now? I hope he�s flying!!!


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Thanks to Laura-Jane for the tip about the awesome new free comments over at blogtools.org. I want a boyfriend who will do that for me!

before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.