There are not many things in life that are more enjoyable than a really good bad movie. I know I�ve talked about a few of them before, and I think I�ve even mentioned this one in passing, but it�s worth more praise because it is just that good. I�m talking about the cinematic masterpiece that is 1986�s Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness. It�s one of the first �made for video� horror movies, and the word �horror� is used very loosely. Well, unless you are frightened by things like bad acting, synthesizers, mannequin heads exploding, Trans-Ams, bad stuntwork, big eyeglasses, or absurdity. The movie is a gem all on its own, but it is best viewed in a group. I pulled it out for Game Day/Bad Movie Night on Saturday and it was a HUGE hit. Brent actually had tears running down his face from laughing so hard. My brother likes to explain the movie as �The movie where you will see things that they would never normally show in any other movie because they�re so inappropriate. Oh, and it makes no sense.� Some of the �inappropriate� things he is referring to are a guy running over a baby carriage, killing the baby and then throwing the car in reverse to mow over the mother once again for good measure, and the classic scene of the guy randomly driving through a parking lot by a baseball field, pulling a chainsaw out of nowhere, and driving by a little boy and sawing him in half. It�s ridiculous. Oh, and so glorious.

The basic plot is that the main character, Mike, has a �critical madness� from being traumatized by playing Truth or Dare as a child and being made to slit his wrists during the game. When he comes home years later to find his wife in bed with her boss (just kind of laying on top of him � has this woman ever seen a sex scene? Do something! Move!), it sets off his �critical madness� and he goes camping where he engages himself in a game of Truth or Dare with an imaginary �sexy� hitchhiker that he picks up. I don�t know when bad perms, saggy boobs and thunder thighs became �sexy,� but there you have it. Oh, but this is no normal game of Truth or Dare. Instead of �I dare you to call someone and ask if their refrigerator is running,� you�ve got Mike daring himself to cut open his chest and rip out his tongue. The best part of the whole scene is his angered shouts of response to the dares: �ALRIGHT�I WILL!!!!!� It�s awesome. It�s also interesting that he cuts his finger off and rips his tongue out, yet when we revisit him 13 months later, he seems to have regenerated them. Maybe he�s really one of the lizard people from V. Now THAT would have been an explanation for all of this nonsense. Anyway, because of overcrowding at the mental institution (and his good behavior?), Mike is set free to go off in his Z. Cavariccis and kill his ex-wife�s boyfriend and attempt to kill her. (Side note: She has the WORST peripheral vision in the world. Lady, he is standing right NEXT to you, holding a knife. You can�t hear him panting?) When he is brought back to the mental institution again, he pulls all kinds off weapons out of nowhere for a new game of Truth or Dare. This is all going on while the orderly is consulting with his doctors, advising them about what to do. Just once I would have liked one of them to stop and say, �Wait, you�re an orderly. Why are we telling you about his childhood?� Anyhoo, after he �rips his face off,� Mike spends the rest of the movie in a copper mask with a sad frowny face on it that he made for himself in METALS SHOP AT THE MENTAL INSTITUTION. The hell?

Of course, it�s not too long before Mike escapes and goes on a killing spree, offing everyone in sight. He�s driving along busy highways in that mask, all �dum de dum de dum� and no one even blinks. At one point he gets out of his car with an uzi (still wondering where he got THAT) and just randomly shoots 3 people who are sitting on a bench on the side of the road. The whole time this is happening, there are 4 lanes of traffic merrily passing by with no one even stopping. He just gets back in his car and merges back in with the traffic, tra la la la la. The last part of the movie also introduces us to the town�s sheriff and his bumbling deputy, a guy with a hunchback and a fondness for Hawaiian shirts. The sheriff spends the remainder of the movie calling Hawaiian shirt guy a �shithead.� During all of this, the killing spree is still going on, and it ends with Mike showing up at the ex-wife�s house and pulling a knife, a machete, a machine gun, nunchucks, a chainsaw, and a mace out of the back seat of a car that he STOLE. How in the where in the who? I think the weapons inventory was the scene that brought Brent to tears. The movie ends with the theme song, �A Critical Madness,� which is just oh-so-bad, but oh-so-good. It�s all about a man who had a horrible childhood and no hope of being normal because he�s got that ever-popular sing it with me now, �Cri-ti-cal madness!� We�re still wondering if the church that lent its children�s choir for the song knew what the hell kind of movie it was for. �We run over babies and slice kids in half without even batting an eye in this movie. Okay, now sing it out loud and proud, kids!� And now the song is stuck in my head � it may be bad, but damn, it�s catchy!

�He�s got a critical madness!� You want a fun night with friends and you appreciate bad movies? Get this one.

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Updates on The List: I knocked off two items last week, and I said I would try to get photographic evidence of as many completed things as I could, so here you go!

#70: Find a replacement pair for my much-beloved and dying all-purpose black heels:

#75: Trick someone into drinking Cel-Ray:

The after-effect:

Sorry, Joe! Also? Hee!


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.