Wait, what? No party horns? No streamers? But this is the Party of the Year, y�all! It�s only 2 weeks into January but this night will be what you WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR struggles to live up to. Do you know why? Because it�s THE PARTY OF THE YEAR. Have you not heard us telling you that over and over and over and over again? God, get it through your heads, people. THIS is the place to be. Screw that Oscar shit � that ain�t nothin�. We got booze at the tables, yo. You can eat at this party. Take that, you Governor�s Ball bitches. We got food, fools. And booze. LOTS of booze. We also got Miss Golden Globes. Unh! How you like me now? That�s what I thought. Unh!

Okay, yeah, so I�m starting to watch the show 2 hours into it because really, Arrested Development takes precedence. I�m sorry, but in Gob I trust. Anyway, thanks to my beloved TiVo, I should be able to fly through this baby in no time. Right? Please tell me yes. I�d like to get to bed at a decent hour. And hey, with my fast-forwarding feature (BECOOP!) hopefully I�ll only have to hear the phrase �Party of the Year� 72 times instead of 325. So, without further ado, let�s do the 2005 Golden Globe Awards, yo.

Shall we?

- You know, sitting through that stupid little �Stars Arriving� song montage still makes me thankful that this show has no host. Also, no Billy Crystal � or worse � Whoopi. And good Lord, don�t get me started on what those Wayans brothers did to the MTV Awards. I�m sorry, did the show start yet? Am I rambling already? Thank God I found some of those giant Pixy Stix yesterday. �aaaaggghhh�.sugar�.

- I�m sorry, I know everyone picks on Zellweger, but I like her. She should have been nominated for Jerry Maguire and she is seriously rocking the dark hair. Cute dress, too. Well played, Zellweger.

- Who would have ever thought that Lowell from Wings would be up for a Best Supporting Actor award someday? Lowell! If he gets nominated for an Oscar, he should call up Steven Weber and be all, �What have you done besides getting a stilleto heel in your forehead, huh? I�m an Oscar nominee, beeyotch! Oh, and pass that along to Daly.�

- Wow, the crowd seems a bit rowdy so far for just the first award. Could it be that this is shaping up to be the Party of�oh no, it can�t be. It musn�t!

- Best Supporting Actor � Clive Owen. I can live with that � he was excellent in Closer. You know, my grandparents are a shining example of why people should really read at least something about a movie before going to see it. For some unknown reason, my grandmother thought that Closer was another Julia Roberts love story. They walked out about half an hour into the movie. My brother has now told them to call him before they go to the movies so he can tell them if it�s appropriate. We tried to gently point out that everything that was written about the movie made sure to point out that it had adult subject matter and coarse language. Also, Grandma? Rated R. There�s reasons for that. I think they�re still appalled that my brother went with me to see it. Because we�re 8. Ah, grandparents. Where was I? God, I�m only on the first award and I�ve already polished off one Pixy Stick. This does not bode well.

- You know what I love about the Golden Globes? Everyone is always whispering to each other in the crowd shots. What�s going on there? Are they playing telephone? Wait - are they gossiping? Who are they making fun of? I want in! Do you have something that you�d like to share with the whole class, Miss Winslet?

- What�s up with Laura Linney tonight? She kind of looks a dolled up biker chick. Oh, Laura � I expected more of you. Please don�t try to emulate Gwyneth from the Oscars a few years ago. PLEASE.

- Did Tim Robbins just call Natalie Portman �Natalie Whoretman�?? Oh, hey, she won. I can live with that as well, but isn�t that the music from Garden State that they�re playing as she�s going up to the stage? Maybe the musical director is honoring her for her work in that. I can live with that as well. Natalie, you are forgiven for Where the Heart Is. Natalie, what the hell is that belt? Is it supposed to be holding up that sack? Not working. But I�ll leave most of the fashion bashing to the experts. Aww, she wants to grow up to be like her 14 year-old cousin. How�nice.

- Yikes, Mark Wahlberg. Dude, it�s called a shower. Here � here�s a razor, too.

- What, was Anjelica Huston afraid of her house being robbed while she was out so she decided to just wear every necklace she owned? Oh, no � I know. She likes Mr. T. Clearly, her love for the jibba jabba is the only logical explanation. Clearly.

- Shatner looks TANKED. Oh, and Jeremy Piven � you know I like you and all, but we all know you�re BALD. You start wearing the toupee BEFORE you work without it. Have Burt Reynolds and Shatner taught you nothing?

- Ooh, James Spader and his sexy little glasses. He�s such a weirdo on talk shows, but man, I�d probably let him spank me. What?

- Bill Clinton? WTF? Oh, you just knew they were going to cut to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Wait, is that Prince behind him? What is Prince doing there? I thought this was for TV and movies � Prince doesn�t seem like the biggest social butterfly in the world. Wait � was there an Under the Cherry Moon 2 and I missed it??? I�ll never forgive myself! NEVER!!!

- Hi, Mariska Hargitay�s nipples! You know, I don�t know about you, but I�m someone who believes that some things are better left under wraps. Maybe I�m a prude, but so be it. I really don�t need those things pointing at me. Oh no, not the crying dad. Aww. Aww! I�m not taking back the nipple scold, but still � aww!

- Damn, I wanted Denis Leary to win something just for the sheer genius that was his video for Asshole.

- Ian McWho? Alas, I don�t have the channel to watch Deadwood. Does that mean I�m a $&!*#@!??

- Jason Bateman! Woo! "Here we are, you and me, a couple of Silver Spoons...." Screw that Ricky Schroder shit, I was there for the Derek.

- Oh, Melina Kanakaredes � you know I have loved you ever since you were Eleni on Guiding Light, so I�ll try to say this nicely � what the hell are you wearing? That dress would have been so nice had it had a middle piece attached. Man, where is that other Pixy stick? I�m only an hour in? Pass the Coca-Cola. Red, white and me!

- Housewives alert! Hey Sheridan, you clean up nice. Nice to see why I used to love Paige Matheson back in the day.

- Mmmm, cookies. Ooh! Razzles! Oh, is this thing still on? Alright, then. This party sure died fast. Party of the Year, my ass.

- Mischa Barton? Why is she there? In the words of Summer, �Ew!�

- Hatcher? I like her, but Cross was robbed, man. And don�t even get me started on that dress. Hideous!

- Usher? Why? Lisa Marie Presley? Double why. And why is she dressed like a bat?

- Ron Howard just seems like such a nice guy. Wanna come to dinner, Richie?

- Jamie Foxx, Best Actor. All is right with the world. Well, except for the fact that he really should have been nominated in the Best Actor, DRAMA category. Did these people see Ray? Just because it has music in it does not necessarilyy make it a musical, people. This is not Showboat here. (Yeah, I don't know either - 'Showboat' was the first thing that came to my mind) Aww Jamie, why you gotta get me all teary with the grandma stuff?

- The Cecil B. DeMille Award - where is my remote? (BECOOP!) I may be in the minority on this one, but I�m sorry, these days, most of the time Robin Williams just bugs. (BECOOP!)

- Mmm, Cheetos. I will weep daily if this is the Party of the Year. I�m bored just watching the shortened version. Geez. And where the hell is the eye candy? Oh, hello, Orlando Bloom.

- Speaking of eye candy, hello, Mr. Depp.

- I still don�t get why Desperate Housewives was in the musical/comedy category. It�s fine that it won, but it should have had the drama so Arrested Development could have the comedy award and then I could have more of Gob and his tear-away pants.

- Ooh, I think this is almost over! Hi Bed, I hear you calling � I�ll be there soon. Beeeeeed.

- Goldie Hawn, please make another movie soon. Preferably with Chevy Chase. Thank you.

- What is with the dress, Nicole Kidman? Maybe she was on her way to a �Clue� Murder Mystery Party where she was playing Mrs. Peacock.

Hey, it�s over! I must say this once again, if that was The Party of the Year, my year is going to suck ass. But I never believe the hype. Ah, now I can go to bed. So what�s the party damage here? 1 small bag of Cheetos, 4 Everlasting Gobstoppers, 1 Giant Pixy Stick, 12 cookies, 6 Razzles, 1 stalk of Twizzlers Pull n� Peel and 1 glass of Coca-Cola. Not bad for 2 hours. Oh, and Zero party horns. I�ll have my own Party of the Year, Globes. Now, if you�ll excuse me, my bed is calling. Catch you at the Grammys!


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.