Everything's More Fun In Pigtails! | |
2005-10-13 || "C'mon, Show Him Your Boobs" - The Speech | |
Okay, so I got a variation on the �Let�s Do It For Our Country� speech the other night. Well, not exactly �Let�s Do It For Our Country� � I mean, there was no singing and no sign of any bomb shelters, but still. The speech came from my friend Kevin, and I believe it started with, �C�mon, show him your boobs.� Let me backtrack here. For those who don�t know this about me, I�m a fan of the demure flashing. No full on boobs, but I�ll lift up my shirt and show just about anyone my bra. What�s the big deal? It�s like a bathing suit, right? In college, I used to flash people all the time. Even when I graduated, too - I remember doing it at my first job. I worked in a call center so I would flash my co-workers to try to get them to laugh while they were on the phone. Anyway, although the frequency in which I flash others has waned over the years as I�ve gotten older, the heart of a flasher still lies within. Which brings me to last Saturday night. I went to my friend Kevin�s new apartment to hang out before we were supposed to go see a band play. I�ve known Kevin since my sophomore year in college, so he�s seen the history of my boobs. Since I now have actual boobs thanks to my recent weight spurt, I felt the need to flash Kevin the other night to show him my new pals. A little while later, I started asking him about the roommates in his new place. This is when the speech happened: PAM: Do you have any cute roommates? Are they all too young? KEVIN: Well, Ben and Sean are 22 or 23 and they�re okay�ooh, Matt! Oh my God, you have to flash Matt. I need to see the look on his face. PAM: What? No. Is he cute? KEVIN: I think he�s your type. He�s 29. PAM: Is he single? KEVIN: Yep. Oh, please flash him. Please, please. He should be home any minute. PAM: I don�t know. I have to see him first. KEVIN: C�mon, show him your boobs! This poor guy � he hasn�t seen boobs in so long. Give the man some hope! He�s been down lately and he hasn�t had a girlfriend in a while. You�d be doing him a favor � nay, doing ME a favor. You�ll be doing a favor for all of mankind! THE MAN NEEDS HOPE. This isn�t about just your boobs or the enjoyment that I will get from seeing the look on his face when you do it � this is about a man and his need for hope. He needs to see boobs. Show him your boobs. PAM: I feel like there is suddenly a flag waving behind me with patriotic music playing. KEVIN: Are you going to do it? PAM: I don�t know. I have to see him first. KEVIN: (whispering) Hope�.
What? Do you think there�s more to the story or something? Fine. What happened next? The roommate was cute. I showed him my boobs. He shouted, �Hope!� No, really, he did. It was awesome. So let this be a lesson to all of you ladies out there � get flashing. Give the guys some hope!
Reason #75689 why I love my best friend Lucy: LUCY: So then what happened? PAM: He offered to put on some music, so I checked out his CD collection. Apparently, all of his good CDs are in his car, so I was left with a choice of not one, not two, but 3 Herbie Hancock CDs among other things. LUCY: What???! PAM: I asked if he was going to put on Rockit. LUCY: That is quite possibly the most non-erotic song ever. �Do DOO do DOO do DOO do DOO�Oh Matt!...DOO DOO DOO doo doo.� PAM: Hee! |