Lesson #1 Learned This Weekend: After Lucy has had a few, give her a pen.

Lucy had already been out earlier with some old work friends before she met up with me and Liz, so it didn't take her long to get going. During dinner, Liz pulled out some photos that she had found while cleaning that she wanted to show Lucy. One was of Liz's ex-husband, whom Lucy had never met or seen. After showing Lucy the picture, Liz ripped it in half and handed it to us, saying we could deface it if we wanted since she was just going to throw it away. Giddy at the opportunity to act 12 for a few minutes, I grabbed the picture and promptly gave him some nice buck teeth, a devil's goatee and big glasses. You know, your standard fifth grade add-ons. Then Lucy whipped out a pen and grabbed the picture. Here are the results after she got her hands on it:

...Alrighty, then. The best part about this whole thing is that Lucy never talks about penises unless she's got some booze in her. Bartender, get us another round!

Next, we were discussing a mutual friend's relationship with a guy who is close to 50, and when asked to describe him, Lucy grabbed some paper and exclaimed, "I'll draw him for you!" Hence, this:

Who knew Lucy was such an artist? She's the next booze-soaked Jackson Pollack! She's also obsessed with the "talkies" since I made a reference to them a few weeks back. Talkies!

This next item is just something that Liz and I found to be quite amusing. When our dinner bill came, instead of it arriving on a tray or in a shoe like at the fabulous Hamburger Mary's, it came inside of a Thank You card:

I've never seen anything like that before. Is this common? I found it to be bizarre yet utterly delicious and promptly gave an extra dollar towards the tip because of it. I'm also guessing that the same card is reused for all of the waiter's checks and that we were supposed to leave it there with the money inside of it, but hell, we were taking that thing. If it's not our personal thank-you, then we don't want it. Besides, he can use the extra tip money to buy a new one.

Anyway, after dinner we headed down to the bar. Well, after Lucy had made her second "saying inappropriate things in public VERY LOUDLY in front of children" misstep after her first mishap about a month ago. That one took place in the food court at the mall on a busy Friday night. We were showing our age by scoffing at some of the outfits on the teenyboppers, assuring each other that our parents would have never let us out of the house in such skimpy clothes. Yes, we're officially senior citizens. At one point, Lucy pointed out a young girl who was a little too large to be wearing such a mini, mini skirt, remarking, "Look, you can see her VAGINA," just as a little 3 year-old boy was passing our table. Last night's offense was even better when we noticed that there was a family with young children in the booth behind us. Of course, we only noticed the children the moment the word "twat" left Lucy's mouth. In fairness, I was the one who brought up the word as someone has said it to me recently and I marveled at the fact that I hadn't heard it since about the fourth grade. Do people still say that? I'm so out of the loop.

ANYway, so yes - we headed down to the bar. Lucy and Liz got trapped by these two awful guys who wouldn't leave them alone while I happily chatted away with the nice and normal guys who were next to me. At one point, Liz leaned over to tell me that Lucy was getting frustrated because these annoying guys were interfering with her ability to do something about the Matthew Fox look-a-like on the other side of the bar who had been giving Lucy the eye all night. I immediately charged the annoying guys with cockblocking and started in with the nice guys about starting a system where guys get handed orange cards and official cockblock violations. We came up with some great hand gestures that the ref can make after the whistle is blown, but we still needed a symbol. Witness my feeble attempt to draw a chicken (top) followed by Lucy's much better execution (bottom), even though it ended up looking like a duck-turkey hybrid. It still got the point across much better than mine, which looks more like "angry guy with a bouffant/mullet combo":

The symbol-making led to lost of great conversation, such as:

PAM: How do you draw a chicken?
NICE GUY: Trace your hand! No, wait - that's a turkey.

LUCY: I have to put that thing on its head. No, its chin. No, wait - that's a turkey.
PAM: Trace your hand!

ANNOYING GUY: (To Liz) What are they drawing over there?
LIZ: Um...er...I don't know. Uh, it's just a chicken with a line through it.
A.G.: What does it mean? Why are they drawing that?
LIZ: Um...I don't really know (she did).
A.G.: Well, what did she say it was?
LIZ: Uh...a chicken with a line through it.

I think we've got something here with our whole anti-cockblocking movement. I'm putting Lucy's picture on a shirt and orange cards to hand out at bars. Tell your friends! Cockblocking must end! The hand signal is an "x" over the crotch followed by the universal "block" signal. Simple, yet powerful. Now I just need a whistle....


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.