I try not to watch those TV shows that scare people by telling them where all kinds of hidden cameras are. I saw Enemy of the State - that�s all I need, thanks. I try not to think about it too much, but this last week I started to wonder just where some of those cameras actually were. I was, of course, making a total ass out of myself every time I thought about that. But the whole ass thing is nothing new. My day isn�t complete if I haven�t looked like a total fool at least once. These were just particularly assy and public instances.

I think it started the other day while riding the elevator at work. The building only has 3 floors, but I was too sore and lazy to take the stairs up to the third floor, so I jumped in the elevator. The only thing is that our elevators tend to make me really dizzy. I think they were installed by the same guy who did the ones in the Wonka factory. I�m going up 2 floors, I shouldn�t be loopy for a half hour afterwards. Thankfully, I have found a way to eliminate any dizzy feelings from the ride. I have to be alone to employ my methods, as you will understand in a moment. The good news is that our building is so old, dilapidated and rusty that I doubt there are cameras in the elevators. I also hope there aren�t any in the bathroom, or someone would have witnessed my masterful feat of changing my jeans the other day without my feet touching that skeevy floor. I don�t even want my socks touching it. It was a thing of beauty. Grace? Hell, no. But beauty, yes. Anyway, back to the elevator. Why is it a good thing that there are probably no cameras in there? Because�well� I hop. I jump. I leap back and forth from one foot to the other. I even sometimes form little claws with my hands while doing what looks like a puppet dance. As long as I�m halfway in the air or in the process of getting there when the elevator stops, I have no dizziness. Sure, I look like an ass clown, but I win!!! I beat the elevator!!! Isn�t that what matters most?

The night after the elevator debacle, I was in the bathroom at a restaurant when I came face-to-face with one of my new mortal enemies, the motion-controlled automatic paper towel dispenser. Thank God I was the only person in the bathroom, because this thing was fighting me at every turn. My hands were dripping wet and all I wanted in the world was a towel. But no. This thing was going to be a little bitch. I tried all kinds of methods to activate it, but nothing seemed to work. First, I did the plain and simple wave in front of the sensor. Nothing. Then I did a little front-to-back hand motion moving close and then away from the sensor. Still nothing. I then moved on to the sideways wave. Nope. Running out of patience and ideas, I then covered the sensor with my hand, took it away, covered it again, took it away, and waved. The bastard still wouldn�t move. And I knew it was working, I heard someone using it when I was in the stall. So why was it toying with ME? I started to get a little angry. This brought on the frantic hands. They were waving ALL over the place. Finally, the machine broke me. My sanity had run away and was in the corner huddled in a little ball, quivering. I stepped back very cautiously from the machine, eyeing it very carefully, until I was safely out of view. Yes, I actually HID from the machine. Then I peered at it from around the corner, waiting for my chance to pounce. But, like Oran� Juice Jones, instead I chilled. I gingerly made my way over toward the sinks, not making eye contact with the machine, and just gently placed my hand under it and did a nice little wave. NOTHING. The frantic hand started again and much profanity ensued. By this point, my hands were pretty much dry from all of the frantic waving. I scowled at the machine and stormed out of the bathroom, defeated. It was at this point, when I was shamefully heading back to my set, that I stopped and thought to myself, �My God, I hope there are no cameras in that bathroom. I know they can�t really be in the stalls, but I don�t know about the sink area. Oh dear God. I was just in there sneaking up on a frigging paper towel machine. I must flee the restaurant immediately! Abort!! Abort!! FLEE!!!!!�

I am such an ass.

Celebrity Boyfriend of the Day: Tobias, the Team Captain of the CPA team on GSN's Extreme Dodgeball.
Aww, so gangly and cute. What? I like dorks. Anyway, also look for him on the German team in the movie Dodgeball (which was hysterical).

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before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.