I screwed up macaroni.

How can someone screw up macaroni? Who does that? Idiots and me, apparently. Well, maybe I should just make that one and the same, for I am now Queen Idiot, The Ruler of Can't-Even-Cook-Macaroni-From-A-Box Land.

Now that I think about it, this isn't even the first time that I've messed up macaroni. I remember having undercooked it on more than one occasion, happily munching away on it like a moron. But I don't know what went wrong tonight. I followed all of the instructions on the box: Boil water. Add macaroni. Keep it on medium-high for 7-9 minutes, stirring occasionally. Done. I set the timer for 8 minutes. Perfect timing - except when I ate the macaroni, it was disgustingly soft. Why??!! What the hell is wrong with me?

Actually, I shouldn't even need to ask that. This is coming from a person who, aware of her limited cooking skills at the time, still decided she could make a triple layer chocolate cake from scratch when she was in junior high. Need I tell you how it turned out? I ended up with a deformed half-a-layer cake. And why? I didn't grease the pans.

One of my friends likes to remind me every so often of the time I called her when I was a senior in high school and asked, "How do you cook a hamburger?" In may case, the answer turned out to be "Not very well." I also have the complete inability to make something as simple as tuna fish. However many times I may try, I either add too much or too little mayonnaise. If it's too little, I inevitably make it too much when trying to fix the matter. Kitchens should really just come with my picture attached to a sign warning all occupants to keep me out for the sake of everyone involved.

Oh, and then there's the story of my brother and the eggs. When we were younger, he was sick one night and our parents were out, so I thought I would be the nice sister and make him something to eat. I was such a nice little nurse. He asked for some fried eggs, which I was happy to make. I was all excited about it until I handed him the plate and he shouted in horror, "WHY ARE THEY BROWN??" This time, instead of no grease in the pan, I used enough to fill Texas. I tried to explain that the brown was okay, but my brother wasn't having any of it. For years after that I had to hear the taunts of, "Have Pam make you some eggs. That is, if you like them to be brown," and things of that nature.

I made those peanut butter and Hershey kiss cookies once but forgot to put the Hershey kisses in until the cookies had almost cooled and hardened up.

I am a menace.

And now, sadly, I can't even make macaroni. Pray for the day that I screw up Spaghetti-o's, because at that point, and I'm sure it WILL come, I will offically weep for a week.

If you'll excuse me now, I'm hungry. "Hello, Domino's?"

Non-Diaryland Link of the Day: Television Without Pity
I figured I'd make this a new feature for a little while since there are a lot of sites that I frequent and I'm simply too damn lazy to make a links page. This is my absolute favorite website of them all.

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before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.