I spent the night hanging out with my friend Jerry, who is often my partner into the forays of the absurd. But Friday we just planned to get some pizza, watch some bad public access, battle it out in 'The 80's Game' and then end with me killing some porn. All in all, a pretty standard night for us. (For those of you keeping track for the home game, I managed to stay away from the Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray this time) Anyhoo, we decided to try a new pizza place that just opened up down the street, called 'Pepperoni's.' We figured a place with a name like that had to have some good pizza. Ah, poor little naive Pam & Jerry. Our first indication that the place wouldn't be up to snuff came when Jerry called to order the pizza. When he asked for a large pepperoni pizza, he was met with a barking reply of, "We only have one size - 10 inch!" He was so thrown off by it that he jsut said okay and hung up. After we sat there with our hands turned up in the air, noses scrunched, asking each other, "Only have one size? What?? What the hell?" Jerry decided that ten iches was actually a rather small pizza and that we should order another. We debated about this for a few, using our hands to try to measure out ten inches. Jerry chose to ignore my helping comments about a guy I had been out with once and how I could compare the size of the pizza to, well, you know. Jerry ended up getting out the measuring tape instead. He then called back and ordered a second pizza and was met with more rudeness from the girl on the phone. Way to bring in customers to your new business! Woo!

When we embarked on our trip to pick up the pizzas, I had to move a couple of CDs out of the seat in Jerry's car so I could sit down. When I picked them up and looked at them, I noticed a copy of William Hung's Inspiration in the mix. Jerry explained that he had to buy to to play at work so he could drive all of his cubicle neighbors crazy. He has a whole collection of CD's designed for this purpose, including the infamous Doug Jones. (You know, I'm still considering hiring him for my 30th birthday party this year. Do I really care that much if everyone else is having as much fun as me?) Needless to say, we popped in the CD and I found myself cruising around town singing along to Hotel California with William Hung. And try as you might, I don't think you can sing along with William Hung without involuntarily singing like him, complete with accent. It's a scary thing. The best part of the CD is the 1984 Casio keyboard harpsichord-setting background tracks. Production values at their finest.

Anyhoo, we finally arrived at Pepperoni's and stood there ignored by everyone working there for a good five minutes or so. As we waited, we looked up and noticed the ridiculously varied menu. Pizza was pretty much a minor part of it. They have chicken dinners, sandwiches, appetizers, fish and chips, etc. Yet their name is Pepperoni's, their sign is decorated with pictures of pepperoni slices, and their slogan is "A slice above the rest!" What the hell? Why would they only have one size pizza? I've never even heard of that. While we were looking around, I noticed a sign advertising a special 17 inch party pizza. Liars! Oh, but the best part about the party pizza is that you have to order it a day in advance. A DAY. At a pizza place. Called Pepperoni's. You have to order a bigger pizza a DAY in advance. Sing it with me if you know it, people, "Whooooo are the ad wizards who came up with that one?"

Finally we were waited on and when the girl returned with our order, she handed me two flat paper bags. Now I don't know if this is just a local thing, but when I order a pizza, it always comes in a BOX. I've never been handed pizza in a paper bag. Am I the insane one, or is this just a little weird? Jerry and I just looked at each other with this, "Oh," expression and then walked outside and started laughing. When we got back to his house, Jerry went to find some newspaper to put on the table because the bottoms of the bags were all soaked with grease. When we pulled out the pizzas, they were on a small cardboard-y plate. The most ridiculous thing was that they were covered by a 10 inch cardboard-y pizza tray. Jerry just threw up his hands when I inquired as to why they wouldn't at least put the pizza IN THE TRAY instead of using it as a cover. Oh, and the pizzas did end up being ridiculously small. One size pizza and it's smaller than a frisbee? Did I mention that it looked like frozen pizza? Maybe that's how you serve frozen-looking pizza: in a bag. Frigging weird.

Later on, as we were flipping through the channel guide, I coaxed Jerry into putting on House of 1000 Corpses. He thought my request was a little odd until the name "Chris Hardwick" popped up in the credits. (For those of you who don't know, Chris Hardwick was my main celebrity boyfriend for a year in college.) After flipping over to a painfully bad public access show where everything was spelled wrong and people were complaining about not being able to bring their dogs to the mall, I got Jerry to flip back to the movie. Then, I saw this:

Jerry remarked that Chris wasn't looking so good these days, and I started to reply, "That's not hi..." and then he started talking. I sat up straight and yelled, "That IS him! When did he turn into Mike Nesmith?" We then got into a raging debate over whether or not that was his real hair. I said no, and started giving all of the reasons why it wasn't. Jerry didn't really have much of an argument other than, "Yes it IS!" The debate still went on until today, when Mr. Hardwick was nice enough to respond to my e-mail query and verify my theory that he was, in fact, wearing a wig. (Thank you, Chris!) It was still a little jarring, though. After all, this was a guy who I spent $350 to go and meet when I was in college. (I was an extra on Singled Out and did end up meeting him, if only for about 2 minutes.) You know, and I wonder sometimes why I wasn't getting a lot of play during that time. Gah.

ANYway - later on, to complete our night of random absurdity, Jerry flipped over to see what was on in the way of bad porn on Cinemax. An episode had just started when he started yelling out one of the star's names after it appeared in the credits. Apparently, this guy was a short-time news anchor at the TV station where Jerry used to work. Of course, then we had to watch the stupid show to see if it was the same guy. It was a really unique name, so it made sense that it might be. Jerry just spent the whole time yelling the guy's name out at random moments until his character finally showed up in the final scene. It wasn't a sex scene, but it was him. Bizarre. We don't export too many stars from here in little old Rhode Island. It's good to know that we're now serving the bad porn industry. Although I guess it's better to be known for that instead of being known as the fiery pit of hell that spit Billy Gilman out into the unsuspecting world. Yeah, sorry about that. As the movie ended, Jerry just sat there looking around, all perplexed, repeating, "One size pizza...you were singing William Hung...I know a guy in a bad porn...pizza in paper bags...but I KNOW that guy, and he's in a porn...." I just shrugged and answered, "Yeah, typical night for us."

Typical, indeed.

Celebrity Boyfriend of the Day: Matthew Fox
I'm going old-school today. I just saw an advertisement for the Party of Five Season One DVD set and was reminded of my mad crush on one Mr. Oldest Brother Charlie. You know I'm a sucker for the floppy hair. And you also know that I had to then order the DVD set. Yummy Charlie.

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before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.