My friend Jerry and I have found some new loves to add to our lovely little world of absurdity. He's the one who discovered them first, through his obsession with local public access TV. There's a new TV show in town, called I Wanna Dance. It's sort of like Club MTV or American Bandstand, except with square dancing. Yes, square dancing. It's just a half hour of people in ridiculous outfits square dancing. The footage is taken at their monthly dances, and the best part about it is that there's hardly anyone at these things. There's about 5 or 6 couples dancing, and usually badly. The club also offers beginner's classes before each dance, so you know now what Jerry and I must do. We must go. We simply must. There is no question about it. We will go, and we will square dance. And we will make a mockery of it, but do it just subtly enough that no one catches on. I told him that I think we need to dirty square dance. Is there even such a thing? Hell, there will be now. We'll just dirty up the do-si-do. The 'promenade' will now become the 'prom-night-grind.' Woo! When we have to swing someone else's partner, I'll grab the guy's ass and ask him if he and his partner like to really swing. Then I'll give the wink. Oh, I just want to see the look on these people's faces. Priceless. Man, we're evil. Jerry's been sick, so the longer we wait to go, the more time I have to come up with such things. I love it.

However, the real reason we want to go to one of these dances has nothing to do with doing all of that other stuff. That's just icing. The REAL reason we want to go is for the show's hosts. These people rival Bill and Claire. There is a short opening sequence to the TV show, with the hosts Rick and Linda. While they introduce the show, the background music plays Rick butchering the hell out of I Just Wanna Dance With You. Simon Cowell would pronounce it to be "ghastly." Anyway, Rick and Linda do this little schtick that is the thing that sold me on these people. He asks her to tell the folks at home how easy it is to learn to square dance. Here's how it goes:

Linda: Well, it's non-competitive and it's just for fun. Do you know your right from your left?

Rick: (waving his hands up and down) Which left is it that you're talking about?

Linda: Can you count?

Rick: Well, I guess I'm in trouble now.

Linda: You can square dance.

Rick: (wiping brow) Phew.

Oh, this doesn't even do it justice. The delivery of the lines is what makes it. The way he says "Phew" is just gold. Forget the reading about it - here, go watch it. Tell me that man is not meant to be played by Chris Parnell in a skit on SNL. Oh yes, and they mention the show's website on that clip. You see now why we must go? I love them! "I just wanna dance with you...."

Phew.

Co-Worker Fashion Faux Pas of the Day: Words cannot even begin to describe the visual assualt that was made on me by The Dunce (tm) the other day. It was this blouse/skirt combo that looked like a dress, and it was white with a green and maroon wild paisley and flower print all over it. Then it was topped off with tan-colored suede patches on the shoulders. When she greeted me that morning, I couldn't control myself and felt my head jerk back. A few minutes later she went into a co-worker's cubicle, and I heard him exclaim, "Wow, look at you!" Nice save, man. I mentioned it to another worker, who begged the question, "What the f*ck is that?" It was hideous, disgusting, and grotesque all wrapped into one. I think I'm going to have to have my digital camera with me at all times now just in case she wears it again.

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before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.