Green Day opens the show:

PAM: Man, Billie Joe looks hot.

LUCY: I don�t usually find him attractive, but he looks pretty darn good tonight.

PAM: I want to do bad things to him. I�m loving the bangs.

LUCY: Ooh, pyrotechnics! �Flames�flames�on the side of my face....�

PAM: You know, I think they�re trying to lure us in with this performance. Damn MTV.

Host Diddy makes his entrance:

PAM: What is this �D-I-D-D-Y� nonsense? The American Music Awards did it so much better with the failed Lionel Richie comeback a few years ago. �It�s been a long time, but I�s gots to come HOME! L-I-O-N-E-L!!�

MOM: What does Diddy do? Does he sing?

PAM: No, he talks.

LUCY: He�s a producer mainly.

PAM: And he invented the remix.

LUCY: That�s right!

PAM: Like Al Gore invented the Internet.

MOM: Does he rap on the songs?

LUCY: No, he kind of just speaks.

MOM: Look at this big production he's got going. You have to do these kinds of things when you have no talent.

Beavis and Butt-head make a triumphant return advertising voting for the Viewer�s Choice Award:

PAM & LUCY: Yes!

All night long:

PAM: Who?

The Diddy Fashion Challenge Explanation:

LUCY: [groan]

PAM: Kill me now.

LUCY: He just gave away a $30,000 watch. What is he, like Oprah now? [in Oprah voice] �Hello!!!!� $100,000 to the Best Dressed male and female there tonight to give to charity? He is! He�s Rap Oprah.

PAM: Did he just tell us to Vote or Die? FOR BEST DRESSED? Sweet Jesus. Yes, that�s just as important as the Presidential election. Diddy sucks.

LUCY: Why is he still talking?

Grandmaster Flash shows up to remix some Notorious B.I.G. songs:

LUCY: Diddy is still exploiting Biggie.

MOM: Hey, all of his scattered children need that residual check money.

PAM: Go Mom!

Random Dance Showcase (krumping):

MOM: Why is everyone clapping? Is this good? Look at that girl�s fat stomach! She shouldn�t be wearing that short shirt like that. What is this???

MC Hammer performs:

PAM & LUCY: Woo!

LUCY: This is the best thing ever. Now this I would pay to see.

PAM: Wait, why is he still going? Do they know this is the 2005 VMA�s?

LUCY: That�s word we pray�.

PAM: Oh, if there�s no Pray in this medley, I�m out.

The Simpson sisters present an award:

MOM: [groan]

PAM: What the hell is Jessica wearing? ENOUGH with the shorts. We get it. Daisy Duke is OVER now.

LUCY: She looks like she just got roughed up in a fight before she came out and this is what�s left of her. [beat] I don�t think I like this show anymore.

All night long:

MOM: What is this, BET?

Jessica Alba introduces Shakira:

LUCY: Shaquita? She just called her Shaquita. This really is BET.

Missy Elliot presents an award:

PAM: Throw Diddy off the tour! Man, I miss Road to Stardom.

R. Kelly�s �performance�:

PAM & LUCY: [stunned silence]

LUCY: �He went up to the closeeeeet�.�

PAM: This is the greatest thing I�ve ever seen.

PAM & LUCY: �

LUCY: �He went up to the closet�.�

MOM: (just getting off phone) What is this??

PAM: I�m still processing it.

MOM: Isn�t he embarrassed to be doing this?

LUCY: This is a multi-part song. It�s a whole story.

PAM: He�s trapped in the closet.

MOM: So he�s not embarrassed by this?

The History of the Evolution of Diddy:

REMOTE CONTROL: [click]

The Killers save the show a little with a good performance:

PAM: I enjoy the eye makeup comeback.

LUCY: It�s a good thing.

PAM: Every guy should wear black eyeliner.

Best Rap Video:

PAM: Who?

LUCY: I know all of this from BET.

MOM: What?

LUCY: I only have basic cable, so the only 2 cable channels I get are The Discovery Channel and BET.

PAM: T.I.? Who?

Diddy �conducts� an orchestra to play along with a Notorious B.I.G. song:

PAM: What is this? I thought this was the VIDEO MUSIC Awards.

LUCY: Exploiting Biggie again. He�s not even conducting right. No one swoops when they conduct. I hate the Diddy.

MOM: Who wants to look at Biggie�s bare whatever in that video?

Johnny Knoxville presents with Common:

LUCY: Who is that with Knoxville?

PAM: I don�t know, but I�m very attracted to Johnny Knoxville.

MOM: You would be, he�s scummy looking.

PAM: Word. Oh, they just said that�s Common.

All the rest of the night:

PAM: Hey, that�s Common! I know this now!

Latin Music/Puerto Rican Medley/Celebration with Gasolina:

LUCY: [flees room] AHHHH!! I hate this song!!! They want more gasoline, okay? WE GET IT.

MOM: This show is a travesty, Pam.

Best Hip-Hop Video:

MOM: I want that guy with the whole long story about the closet to be on. �I�m in the closet�.�

LUCY: �He went up to the closeeeeeet�.�

Coldplay performs and we get a special guest appearance by my dad:

MOM: (to Dad) He�s married to Gwyneth Paltrow.

DAD: He looks weird.

PAM: One of the guitar players is cute�him!

LUCY: Ooh, he looks like Joseph Fiennes.

DAD: Who?

MOM: Never mind.

Joss Stone presents:

DAD: Who�s that?

PAM: Joss Stone.

DAD: Who?

MOM: Never mind.

Best Pop Video nominees, clip for Ashlee Simpson:

DAD: Oh, she�s awful. And she�s a beast!

Alicia Keys presents:

DAD: Now she�s pretty. She�s classy.

Kanye West and Jamie Foxx perform Gold Digger:

MOM & DAD cry uncle and depart.

Commercial bumper with VMA Highlights so far:

LUCY: If they show that Puerto Rican thing as a highlight, I�m going home. I�m Puerto Rican and can�t even get behind that!

2 hours and 22 minutes into show:

LUCY: You know, there�s not a lot of content in this show.

PAM: I think Diddy is going for �Worst Host Ever� honors. He may be worse than The Wayans.

LUCY: He totally is. At least they didn�t talk about themselves for fifteen minutes at a time. He�s insufferable.

Dane Cook comes out and does a short stand-up routine:

LUCY: Who is this?

PAM: His comedy album debuted in the Top 10. I�ve never even heard of him.

LUCY: He�s not really�funny.

PAM: Do they know that this is the VIDEO MUSIC Awards? Last I checked this was not anything to do with music or videos containing music. AAAGGGHHH! Why do we get sucked in every year?

LUCY: The VMAs are like a Shyamalan movie.

PAM: Yes!

All night long:

LUCY: This show is stupid.

Diddy announces the winners of Best Dressed for his Fashion Challenge:

PAM & LUCY: [groans]

LUCY: I feel like I�m at a Halloween party � �And the best costume is�.�

Mariah Carey performs:

LUCY: Oh Mariah, you�ve gone so astray.

PAM: Remember when I was in her fan club? Good times.

LUCY: She and Whitney just went downhill when they went to hip-hop. They�ve dumbed down their stuff. Whitney�s singing with Bobby, all, �My love is your love.� It�s just wrong.

PAM: They�re so much better than this. Oh Mariah. Let�s get some �Til the End of Time up in this place!

LUCY: I want to hear some If It�s Over!

PAM: Why are they diving in the pool? Is this the Honey video now?

LUCY: At this point, I�d take listening to Honey. My standards have been lowered.

PAM: This show is wearing us down. Are we just old or does this show really suck?

LUCY: No, it sucks.

PAM: Where are Beavis and Butt-head?

50 Cent performs:

PAM: I am so over this show right now. I want R. Kelly to come back � I want to know what happens after the guy answers when he calls home!

My Chemical Romance performs:

LUCY: Hey, that lead singer is kind of cute.

PAM: He looks like the lovechild of Billy Corgan and Jack White!

Bow Wow presents:

LUCY: Boy, puberty wasn�t too kind to Lil� Bow Wow.

PAM: I enjoy his jeweled Laverne �B� on his shirt, though.

Kelly Clarkson FINALLY closes the show:

PAM: We waited to see THIS?!

LUCY: I give up!

(the rain starts falling on Kelly as she screeches out the song horribly)

LUCY: Hey, this is the Karaoke Revolution rooftop come to life! (When you start singing badly on the rooftop, it starts to rain)

PAM: This sucks. The whole collective show.

Show ends:

PAM & LUCY: [fist shakes]


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.