Let me give you a little glance at my day so far � My normal 35 minute commute to work turned into an hour and 35 minutes due to a temporarily closed bridge. Then my token didn�t register when I threw it into the bin for the toll bridge, but I had already started driving off, so I accidentally jumped the toll and this big bell sounded. So yes, now I�m on the lam. I�m an evil, evil toll bridge dodger. Of course the whole rest of my ride to work after that was littered with cops everywhere. I managed to elude them all. Then when I finally arrived at work, I almost fell in the toilet. Fantastic. Hey, my day can only get better from here, right? Well, unless Captain Kangaroo shows up. Ah, the Captain. Let me explain�.

I knew things were too good to be true. That Philip Seymour Hoffman looking serial killer? Just a tease. I knew he wasn�t after me, but he must have been a warning sign of things to come later that night. Captain Kangaroo is after me! My friend Lucy and I went out for a drink the other night at our usual place, and after a little while she pointed out a man who was sitting directly across from us on the other side of the bar who was burning holes through us with his staring. I looked up and saw Captain Kangaroo�s evil doppelganger. No sign of Mr. Greenjeans, though. Anyhoo, about 2 minutes later the bartender approaches us and tells us that the Cap�n would like to buy us our next round of drinks. This is probably the third time in my life that I�ve ever been sent a drink, so I really don�t know the proper etiquette. Do you wave, do you nod? What do you do? I suppose it doesn�t help matters that the guys are usually my father�s age. Thanks for the drink, dad. Ugh. Luckily, my hottie friend Lucy has much more experience in the matter and explained that you just have the bartender thank the sender on your behalf. She also offered that 9 times out of 10 the buyer never even approaches you after that. This was a relief to hear, because the Cap�n was really starting to creep me out. I should have known right then. Could I really go that long without someone trying to kill me? A little while later, Lucy made the mistake of looking up and catching his eye. The Cap�n started waving and grinning with unadulterated glee. Ewww. Lucy just smiled and looked away quickly. I was starting to think he was after her, but then while talking to the bartender at one point, I noticed the Cap�n in my line of vision behind him, and I could see him with his hand half-raised, waiting for me to look his way so he could try waving to me. I skillfully averted my eyes and went to try my luck in the evil bathroom. When I returned, I was relieved to see that his seat was empty. That relief lasted for about a nanosecond until I realized that he was standing right on the other pole that was next to where we were sitting. He slunk over and tried to catch me on my way back from the bathroom! Classy.

This still didn�t convince me that he was trying to kill me, though. That happened soon afterwards when I went outside to my car to make a phone call. Lucy was still inside. I noticed the Cap�n come out to the restaurant lobby and look around. Then he went back inside and emerged shortly thereafter with his coat. Ah, he was looking for me! To maim! Well I fooled you this time, Captain! The creepiest part is that he drove away in a van. A VAN. Sure, it was white, but only mad rapists and maniacs drive vans. Creepy and Eeeeewww. I�ll never be able to look at Captain Kangaroo the same way again. Sorry, Bob.

Well at least I�ve become adept at escaping these last few days. I escaped the Cap�n, I escaped my toll bridge misdeeds, and most importantly, I escaped falling into the toilet. I guess things are looking up.

before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.