I turned into BitchPam last week. It was quite interesting, because I hardly ever get to be a bitch. I try every now and then, and once in a great while I can pull it off, but it's quite rare. It takes a lot. But last week it didn't take a thing. I woke up the other day in full-on Bitch with a side of Grumpy. It was actually a little unsettling, because it wasn't the good kind of bitch. If I'm going to be a bitch, I want to be one Jackie Collins would write about and then her sister Joan would portray in a TV Movie. A foxy, sassy bitch. Yeaaaaaaah.

Alas, I was none of the above. I was the "I'm going to burn holes through you with my eyes of death because you dared speak to me while I'm reading" kind of bitch. Lucky for me I realized that my sour mood and bitchface were a direct result of a too high dosage of medication that my doctor is playing around with. (Little ol' me just can't handle the big stuff, baby.) Not so luckily, I found out this information a few hours after I had told my father to "Shut it." Charming. I don't think I've actually ever used that phrase in my life. It was actually kind of fun to say, but not directed at my dad. He's too silly and nice a man to be told to shut it. Perhaps I will try it out at work on The Dunce. She deserves a good ol' "shut it" many a day. But alas, I lowered my dose of meds and am no longer in the mindset to actually say that out loud to her. [sigh] On the plus side, it will be nice not to have meds-induced nightmares that involve a man with bushy black hair and a red beret coming from the back seat of my car and stretching wire across my neck. Yeah, that creeped me the HELL out. Fun times here.

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Speaking of fun times, why do I enjoy the Subservient Chicken so much? Go tell him to shake that ass. It's a good one.

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In other news, I had some bizarre sightings at work last week. Apparently, the man who plays Big Bird uses his off time to teach a training class in my building, because he was teaching me the other day. Also, he's an asshat. I sat through half of this incredibly boring privacy training trying to figure out who the teacher looked like. Finally, he stood up and it hit me. He's a relatively thin man, but the middle of his body just kind of rounded out like Big Bird's. Very odd. It was all that I needed to complete the equation. Thankfully, the only thing missing was that damn annoying voice. I thought about this in class and then spent the next half hour going over in my head the many ways that I hate Big Bird. Oh, do I.

After the training from hell, I returned back to my office where Noseferatu-With-A-Mullet was fixing the copy machine. And yes, he was creepy. And he came back today and was still creepy. And still looked like Dracula. And still had the mullet. And still didn't fix the copier. He is so lucky BitchPam left. Well, he and the copy machine, because I just may have taken it into an empty field and beat the shit out of it with a baseball bat a la Office Space.

And finally, in the great continuing tradition of me being a weirdo-loser magnet, I have a new boyfriend at work. He's a younger guy who drives one of our courier cars. I work in the central office, so he is there twice a day for pick-ups. He must have just started, because I've seen him around with another older courier guy. They loll around in our main atrium area, snacking and goofing off. The young one also stares. And smiles. But he can't quite pull it off because he's a dorkus. Not a good dork, either. Maybe the fact that I'm one of the youngest people in the building by quite a few years won me his favor. I don't know. But I passed by him the other day and he nodded at me and asked completely without irony, "How you doin'?" Then he nodded again. Ugh. Also? WHY??!!

Here's to hoping someday another prince will come. [clink!] And make him not be insane this time. [clink!] And while we're at it, let's lift one to no more weirdo-loser magnetism. [clink!] And cute boys for everyone with extra for MEEEEEE (and my girls) [clink!] (Inside joke time for 2 of you) And no more "Holy cow!" [clink!]

Co-Worker Fashion Faux Pas of the Day: A leopard/snakeskin hybrid print wrap dress with a huge belt and big shoulder pads.

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before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.