I've had a weird day, people. Well, not altogether weird all day - just a day full of bizarre and disturbing thoughts and occurrences. But they were bizarre and disturbing. Extremely. Shall we?

I'll start with the most disturbing of all, because it has caused me to both shriek and recoil in horror many a time since I first saw it tonight. Earlier I was catching up on some TiVo and was fast-forwarding through some commercials while watching The Daily Show. So there I was, all la-di-da, tra-la-la, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I catch this disturbing image flying by. I looked around the room, wondering if anyone else saw what I just did. Then I realized there was no one else in the room with me, so I didn't wait long for an answer. I rewound back a little to see if I was imaging things, but I wasn't. I actually let out a yelp when this image came on my screen:

AAAGGGHHHH!!! Cloris Leachman on a stick, is that thing scary. Holy shit. Have you seen this guy? He's selling fitness videos so you can look like him. Once again, AAAGHHHH!!! Who would want to look like that???!!! What is with that weird waist? Why is it so small? Does he want to be Dolly Parton? And why is his head so big? His ginormous head is going to come through my TV set and eat me if I don't order his tapes and then I'll be...

AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! Make it stop!!! I went to his website and almost ran screaming from the room when it came up. He has a whole photo gallery. It's clearly the work of the devil. RRRUUUAAAHHH [shudder] Pbbbtthhhtppp. I feel like I need to take a shower after seeing that.

Ew.

In other bizarreness, this morning my mind started to wander while I was drying my hair and this thought popped into my head out of nowhere: "You know, I'd really like to invite Ben Affleck over to play poker. I bet that would be fun. His mom lives in the area, maybe he could come by some time when he's visiting. Maybe I'll go to his website and try to e-mail him. Yeah, that's a good idea." WHAT??? Where do these things come from? I don't know if I've ever had a thought about Ben Affleck before that has lasted more than a nanosecond. All of a sudden I want him to come over and ante up? I haven't played poker in years! It's days like this I wonder about myself and seriously think about trading in my brain but then...

AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am SO having nightmares tonight, y'all. YEEEUUUOOOGGGHHHH! Mommy?

Anyhoo - the final happening that really made me question my sanity today came courtesy of my Daily Show viewing. I was about a week behind with the shows and while playing catch-up, I stumbled across a guest who I immediately became strangely attracted to. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but the guest was Johnny Knoxville. Johnny Knoxville???? WTF? He must have some kind of voodoo powers or something, because that's the only explanation I can come up with. They showed a clip of him in Walking Tall before he came out and I found myself inched up closer to the TV, head tilted, all "Hey, he's pretty cute. I never noticed this before - not bad for a jackass. Damn, he gets better the more I look...." I tried to stop it, I tried to shoo the thoughts away with a broom, but there they stayed. Then he came out and I tried once again to fight. My head began an internal battle - "I will not be attracted to Johnny Knoxville, I will not be attracted to Johnny Knoxville, I will not...ooh, I love his shoes! How cute...awwww...Oh, and his little hands when he talks and...Dammit!" I ultimately just gave up the fight and gave in to the Knoxville. Damn voodoo. Hopefully it will wear off by morning and I'll awaken a new woman. One with a cleaner mind that doesn't have thoughts of random poker games with Ben Affleck and dates with Johnny Knoxville. Oh yeah, and no more thoughts of this:

AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!! Why, why, WHY?? I think I'll take the Johnny Knoxville thoughts any day over that. Please, just make it go away. Big...head...going...to...eat....

AAGG - Wait. What the hell is that one? Who are those people? Why are they just standing there? Who...wha...Why is he shirtless and flexing while among two random old people? The hell? What does it all mean?? WHY?? Wait, no. Forget it. I don't want to know. I just want to go to sleep and try to use a Mr. Clean Eraser in my mind to get rid of any of those enormously disturbing images. I don't want to have one more thought of a giant head that's going to eat me. I wish the same for you. I imagine I shall dream of poker now. Serves me right with the Knoxville thing.

Sweet dreams....

Co-Worker Fashion Faux Pas of the Day: You know what? I can't even look at her sometimes now. She just drives me up the wall. She's started coming to my desk and asking me questions and then following them up with this Woody Woodpeckeresque laugh. "I keep forgetting what she told us to do, and I'm just not getting it and ah-ah-ah-AH-ah!" Make. It. Stop.

Comments? Sign the book!

before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.