It�s beginning to look a lot like�well, something.
Why does it not feel like Christmas this year? I�ve noticed this the last few years � it just sneaks right up and then goes away as quickly as it came. There�s no excitement � no hustle, no bustle. Just one day it�s, �Oh, it�s Christmas Eve. Wow, how did that happen?� It�s not for lack of reminders around me, either. The house has been decorated and the Christmas tunes have been playing, but it still doesn�t feel like Christmas to me yet. I hope it�s not because I�m getting older - I hope this is all a fluke. I never want to lose that childlike wonder about the holiday. Maybe I�m still recovering from my years working in the retail industry and the horror that was Christmastime at the Hallmark store. (Although I must say, it�s not the day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve OR the day after Christmas that is the busiest day of the year in a card/gift/candy shop � it�s actually the night before Valentine�s Day. Complete chaos. And no chance of picking up a guy as they�re all there buying for their significant others. I hate girlfriends.) But it�s been a few years since I�ve worked in the retail world, so the curse should have run its course by now. I don�t know what it is then. One thing I do know is that feeling like it or not, this Christmas is remarkably better than the one I had two years ago. Things had just started to look grim between me and the Ex-Great Love of My Life. I try to forget how horrible that Christmas was and how I sat at my grandmother�s house on Christmas Eve, fighting back tears most of the night. It was awful. I just looked up an entry on my old diaryland site from that day and found this cheery holiday sentiment:
When he asks about my Christmas, I will tell him that it was the worst one ever. Why? Because there is this amazing boy that I love who has made me unbearably sad.
I wish you could live on love, because that's what I'd be living on right now. Through all of this mess and heartache, one thing still stands tall and true, and that is that I love him. I love, love, love him. I hope he comes back to me soon. And that one little word is the only thing that I'm living on right now: hope. Once that is gone, I will have truly lost everything.
Good lord. How jolly and festive. Jiminy cricket. So yeah, things are MUCH better this year. Yet I still don�t know how to get it back � how to make it feel more like Christmas. Is that even something you can force? Maybe it�s because I�m old and crotchety and have been avoiding the crowds at the malls. Too many people! Too much mayhem! Harumph! (�Harumph� is a crotchety word, right?) Maybe I�m just freaking out about needing it to feel so special. I still have 2 days, right? And yesterday I did wake up with Snoopy vs. The Red Baron stuck in my head. I was quite happy to pass it along to my mom, who came home from work last night STILL singing it. Hee hee hee. Dammit, and now it�s back in my head. �Christmas bells, those Christmas bells�.� Dammit! That�s what I get for taunting my mom. I remember having that song on 8-track. Ooh, and there go all of my younger readers, all, �8-track? Damn, that bitch is old.� I�m not that old! Come back! I�m not all kinds of crotchety yet, even though I say �Harumph!� [sigh] (Side note: Was it just me, or did other people tape the audio off of Scooby Doo cartoons and listen to them on the 8-track players in their cars? We did that ALL the time. My poor parents � they must have been able to recite the episodes after a while. Ooh, and we also had superhero story records. The record sleeve came with a little comic strip that you could follow along on. My brother had Spider-Man and I had Wonder Woman. I still remember a lot of the stories. We wore those suckers out. Anyone else?)
Anyhoo � where the hell was I? Oh yes, Christmas is in two days and I fear I�ve gotten too old to get excited anymore. Maybe Snoopy will help bring me back. Christmas bells, those Christmas bells.... Here�s to hoping this year becomes magical again. Merry Christmas, everybody.
Dead Celebrity Sighting of the Day: Harry Caray. Well, Will Ferrell�s version of Harry Caray. (If you haven�t seen it, go directly to your local video store and rent Volume 1 of the SNL Best of Will Ferrell DVD. Watch Harry Caray. Don�t rent Volume 2, it�s not as good) I was at the doctor�s yesterday and he was sitting in the corner of the waiting room � big, square black glasses and WILD white hair. I just kept turning to my mom and saying, �WhuHEY! Hey! Would you eat the moon if it was made of ribs? It�s a simple question.� These are the times that I wish I had a camera phone. Whu�HEY!
before & after
2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile
Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.