It occurred to me that I hardly ever talk about my dad on here. I don�t know why, because the stories about him are legendary with my friends. I know I�ve mentioned him being a tween stuck in a grown man�s body (he rented The Princess Diaries 2 over the weekend), but I think that�s about it. But my dad rules. He is pretty much the nicest guy on the planet � I don�t think I�ve ever met anyone who didn�t like him. And he always means well, but sometimes he is just a fool, but in the best way. That�s why we love him. My mom always says she married him for the entertainment value. And hey, they�ve been married for almost 33 years, so he keeps it coming even if he doesn�t realize it half the time. We like to say that he lives in his own little land, and he�s often oblivious to things that don�t happen in his world. He�s just tra-la-la-la-la in his world, where it is still 1965 and Agent Cody Banks is the best movie EVER. He�s also a magician on the side. You wouldn�t believe the people you can meet and the things you can get just by performing some silly magic tricks. You want a free bump up to first class on a plane? Make a scarf disappear. You want to receive a Christmas card from Engelbert Humperdinck every year? Show him some card tricks. [Actually, you may not want that last one.] But he�s gotten to do some great stuff over the years. He�s no David Copperfield (he�s a bit closer to Gob), but it�s all in the performance, baby. Lucy�s favorite story about my dad is from when he and my mom were dating. They were out having dinner one night, and he leaned across the table and told her that he wanted to tell her something. He looked down sheepishly and then said, �I love�beer.� Ladies and Gentlemen: my father, Homer J. Simpson.
Where was I going with all of this? Oh yes, the story from last night that still has me laughing this morning. My father goes to a local hospital a lot to visit and do magic for some of the patients. This hospital is for disabled patients who actually live at the hospital. This year, my father decided to organize a Christmas party for the hospital and is having a magician and some musicians come to entertain the patients. (I�m supposed to sing, too.) Any fans of obscure disco out there � some members of Tavares are coming. And now I have that stuck in my head � �Heaven, must be missing an angel.�� Anyhoo, my dad does sales and �consulting� [whatever the hell that means. I believe the definition is �plays golf with clients.�] in the precious metals industry, so he is able to get a lot of free samples and gifts. Someone offered him some engraved gifts for him to give to the performers today, and he brought them home last night, all excited to show me and my mom. Here�s the conversation he and my mom had while I sat on the couch and laughed the whole time:
Mom: [opening box] What are these?
Dad: Wait until you see them, they came out beautiful. The girl told me these are the hottest sellers this year. They�re worth $40, but I got them for free.
Mom: This isn�t what I think it is, is it?
Dad: What?
Mom: It�s a�flask. Why did you get them flasks?
Dad: The girl told me they�re really popular!
Mom: What would you do with a flask?
Dad: Well, I wouldn�t use it, but if I was a drinker I would.
Mom: An engraved flask? [my mom and dad just start laughing and laughing]
Pam: Do people really use flasks outside of soap operas?
Mom: What are they going to do with these? No, really. What would you do with a flask?
[It is at this point that my dad just buries his face in his hands and laughs and laughs]
Mom: Pam can�t wrap these. Then they�ll think you�re giving them something special instead of a�a�flask.
Dad: But won�t they look nicer wrapped? Look, I have six of them.
Mom: It�s a FLASK!! Wait, is that one there for Manny? He�s a Muslim!
It is at this point that I completely lost it. My dad. I love it. And now you have a great last-minute gift idea for Christmas! Give the gift that keeps on giving � a personalized flask! I can�t wait to see the recipients' faces when they open them today � especially the Muslim.
Ho ho ho!
before & after
2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile
Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.