Sunday brought about a marvelous surprise in the form of TB showing up at church. Ah, the greatest of fake boyfriends returns. I knew he came home from Iraq at the beginning of November, and he has been stationed somewhere on the southern east coast. I thought about whether or not he�d be home for Christmas, but figured not and then just went along on my merry way. That probably explains why his appearance on Sunday made me lose my breath when he walked in. Well, that and the fact that he looks 3 times hotter than he did the last time I saw him, which was January. I didn�t even think it was possible for him to get any hotter, yet there he stood, flawless. I can�t even describe it � there are no words. Forget me ever saying that he looked like Jake Gyllenhaal, only prettier. Sorry Jakey, but you�ve got NOTHING on TB now. When I nodded to my mom and aunt to look at him, their jaws dropped. My mother whipped her head around and said, �Whew! Boy, he matured a lot the last few months. He is extremely handsome.� C�mon Mom, just say it, he�s RoboHot. None of this handsome business. Boy is FINE. He deserves a triple Dayam! She just kept saying, �Whew!� and marveling over how chiseled he looks now. I had to remind her that I�ve been telling her for years how gorgeous this guy is, but she claims he really �grew into� his looks now. Whatever. He has also officially taken over the spot of �Best Looking Guy I Have Ever Seen In Person.�

Of course, with all welcome returns there is usually one unwelcome one. And who showed up? None other than the dreaded RoboPam. I hate her. At the beginning of the church service, there is a time for us to greet others around us. Well, TB and his dad were sitting next to my mom, with a few empty seats next to them. She nodded at me to go over and say hello to him, and my aunt tried to get me to go, but I was frozen. I couldn�t go over there unprepared! Luckily, I know this about myself and stayed where I was. Of course, my mother and my aunt waltzed right over there and said how nice it was to see him home. Bitches! I still just stood, frozen. I then spent the whole service coming up with something to say to him. I knew I would kick myself if I didn�t say hello to him, because I have no idea when I�ll see him again. When I wasn�t formulating conversations in my head, I would steal glances his way to drink all I could in to save up the visuals. Every time I looked, my mouth would involuntarily drop open and I�d have to turn away in disbelief. It was actually such a nice thing to have. This is why fake boyfriends rule sometimes. You get the little giddy feeling and smiles from seeing them, all with no pressure because you know it�s nothing you would pursue so you don�t have to worry. You just have a boy there to make you smile and feel good without any of the issues that normally go along with it. Fake boyfriends #1!

ANYway � so I came up with the brilliant plan of telling him that it was good to see him home safely. In twenty minutes, THAT is what I came up with. Nothing more. That�s it. I was going to say hello, blurt that out, and say goodbye. Any deviation from the script when I�m around this boy throws me for a loop and I end up saying something ridiculous or inappropriate. When the service was coming to a close, I gathered up my coat and things so I could just make a run for it and catch him before he left. Lucky for me, he stood up and his dad started talking to his sister in front of them, so TB just stood there and I didn�t have to look like a lunatic trying to catch him. I made my way over to the row behind him and touched his back to get his attention. (Yes, I touched him and didn�t fall over) He whirled around, saw me, and let out this hearty and ebullient �Hey!� How I didn�t fall over at that point remains a mystery to me. I even managed to smile and say hi back before he threw out, �Thanks for the package!� (I sent him a care package while he was in Iraq.) The Pam Report? Remarkably, still standing at this point. I smiled and told him he was welcome, and then I finally got out my �I�m glad to see that you got home safely.� And then I must have gotten cocky, thinking that I was doing so well up until that point that I just stupidly KEPT TALKING. I asked how long he was home for, and he said that he was home for good. I said that was good to hear, and he agreed, saying again that it was for good. I actually think I remember his mom saying last month that his tour of duty was up soon. And then, instead of ending things there, on a good note, RoboPam reared her ugly head and replied with this gem: �Oh, Well, good luck!� Good luck???? For what? And who says that? And WHY DID I SAY THAT? I should have just said, �I carried a watermelon� and gotten it over with. Cripes. Oh, and it gets better. After I let out the charming �Good luck,� I didn�t even look at him or wait for a response. I just turned and fled. My ass was probably halfway down the aisle before he would have had a chance to respond. It�s a wonder sometimes that I�m even let out of the house. Gah. Stupid RoboPam with her �Good Luck� and her fleeing. I�m hoping this means he�s home home for good, and not just in the states. If so, I�m going to have to start practicing what to say to him right now to be prepared. Soon I�m just going to hire my own Cyrano de Bergerac. (Jessica, I�m flying you here for the day!)

So yeah, welcome home, TB � and go the hell back to wherever it is you came from, RoboPam. (Sadly, the RoboPam, she never listens. I�m doomed. [sigh])


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.