Please leave me alone. Please stop asking me the same thing 6 times a day. Yes, my aunt still has the greyhounds. I told you that about 40 minutes ago. Please stop accosting other co-workers as I�m passing them to see if we�ve met. We have. Yes, my aunt still has the greyhounds. Yes, I�m still fine. I was fine the first time you asked me how I was at 8:32 this morning. I was fine when you asked me 3 minutes ago. I�m FINE. Yes, I�ve met him. Also? Please stop calling me ma�am. I know ma�am rhymes with Pam, so you just say that instead sometimes, but really � no. Just no. Ditto on the �kid.� Only certain people are allowed to call me that and you are not one of them. Yes, my aunt still has those greyhounds. Yes, I�m busy every time you ask me. Don�t you see me typing? Me, sitting right here writing out an envelope? Not an illusion. I�m working. Leave me alone. Stop hanging on my cubicle wall asking me how I am and calling me ma�am. You really want to know how I am? ANNOYED. That is how I am. See me here on the phone? Well, most of the time I�m not working then because I have picked up the receiver to fake being on the phone when I see or hear you coming. This is what you have driven me to � I am pretending to be on the phone. Yesterday I found myself almost diving into an empty cubicle when I saw you start coming down the hallway. I feel like I�m in The Great Muppet Caper or something. I�ve been reduced to starring in my own version of The Great Annoying Co-Worker Avoidance Caper, where my Oscar clip involves me pretending to be on the phone. Are you happy now????? I�m going insane here. Yes, my aunt still has the greyhounds. Gah. Leave me alone.

Thank you.

Pam

Dear Cube Neighbor Who Sounds Like the Cowardly Lion:

Please say �Put �em up, put �em up,� just once for me. C�mon, please? I�m not asking a lot. Please? Have you seen me over here pretending to be on the phone and diving into empty cubicles? I need this. Please!!!!! I�ll even settle for a nice �Courage!� Help me. Oh, and also please stop randomly speaking Portuguese at various points during the day. The Cowardly Lion doesn�t speak Portuguese. You�re ruining the illusion and my fun.

Thank you.

Pam

Dear People Who Sit at the Lunch Table With Me:

I�m not crazy. No, really. It�s just that I�m reading this book, Stories From a Moron, and it�s REALLY freaking funny. That�s why I�m sitting here by myself, laughing like an idiot. That rocking thing my body is doing is just me trying to stifle my guffaws so you will stop looking at me like that. Ditto the snorfling noises. No, seriously � this book is that funny. Jerry Seinfeld is a genius. So yeah, I�m not crazy. Well, not THAT crazy. Hey, come back!

Pam

Dear 4:00 PM:

Where are you? I want to go home. Some guy keeps asking me about my aunt and her dogs, the Cowardly Lion is speaking Portuguese, and everyone thinks I�m crazy. Hurry up and get here. (I�m tired of pretending to be on the phone. My arm hurts.) Thank you.

Pam


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.