Then there's the props to my long-suffering friend Jerry, who TOLD me that I had to bail on him in the middle of hanging out on Friday night to see Lauren and didn't think anything of it.

And finally, thanks to pkers for my completely comprehensive Mix CDs pack. They're awesome. I'm such a whore for new music. Thanks for being my john!

_____________________________________

Now onto the obligatory "I'm an ass" story, as I believe I am well overdue for one. Well, I've had them, I just haven't shared them. I need to maintain some kind of respectable reputation around here...or something. ANYway - I call this one The Pen Saga.

Oh, my pen.

I don't know what it is about me and pens, but at work I like to have my own special pen that I use for everything and that NO ONE else may use. I keep regular pens in a holder for "the others." My recent favorites were these dueling skeleton and ghost pens that I bought at a cheap clothing store before Halloween. The bodies lit up with red light when you pressed down to write with them, and they had punching arms with 2 levers on the back. So not only did they put the "fun" in functional (lame, I know), but they FOUGHT TO THE DEATH. Well, really just to the point of where I heard my boss coming down the hall and had to pretend to be working. The thing about the novelty pens, though, is the tendency to have a smaller ink supply. Consequently, both Ghosty and Boner (What? They need names if they're going to fight!) ran out of ink and left me fighting-demon-penless at work. I then moved onto a hotel pen from JournalCon last year that wrote really well and lasted a long time. When I saw the ink start to wane, I started looking for a suitable replacement. That's when I found my new love, my Stewie pen.

I had originally gone looking for this Simpsons pen that I had seen at the mall a few months earlier, but the store that I saw it in no longer had it. They did, however, have some Family Guy pens. That's when I spotted my love. It's black and white, which, come on...so me, and it has Stewie on it with his quote about "I like you...when the world is mine, your death will be quick and painless," or something like that. Stewie-awesomeness aside, the pen writes like a dream. Nice, rolly black ink. It's pure heaven. And I really can't believe I'm talking this much about a pen, but I don't care now because THIS PEN RULES. YES, A PEN. YES, I NEED A HOBBY. Ahem.

Anyway, about two weeks ago I took a stack of work to go file in my new office. Now, for some reason when I'm at work, I'm like Bob Dole with my pen. If I leave my desk during the day at any time other than to go to lunch or to the bathroom, I just automatically take my pen with me. I don't bring anything to write on, but I bring the pen. I don't know. So, for some reason I had it with me when I went to file papers. Still no idea why. But it was on top of the file cabinet, and at one point I had to put a file back up on top to do more work with. That's when I heard the SOUND OF DOOM. Or, more specifically, the sound of my beloved Stewie pen rolling off the top of the file cabinet down into the crevice between the cabinets. Now, in this new office they don't have the normal run-of-the-mill filing cabinets. Noooo sirree! They've got these giant-ass mammoth things that are bigger than Shamu, and my pen was stuck between them. And as I took a closer look, I noticed that the cabinets actually got closer together the closer they got to the floor, so the cap of my pen had gotten lodged into a space where it couldn't go any further.

So what did I do?

1) Try to move the cabinets. Hah!

2) Grab a file folder and try to shimmy my pen back upwards. It doesn't even budge.

3) Try to nudge the cabinets apart again. Look like a moron with my spaghetti arms fighting Goliath, The File Cabinet That Ate My Pen, Because Have I Mentioned How Much I Love That Pen?

4) Grab an even thicker file folder to try to shimmy pen again. Have brief success in spinning it around in its place until I mistakenly lodge it down even further.

5) Curse.

6) Realize that I am doing all of this right in the middle of a main hallway in the office and my new co-workers are seeing this as part of their beginning impressions of me.

7) Nonchalantly try to move the cabinet again. Hah!

8) Weep on the inside.

9) Try to stick my fingers into the crevice. They're thin, but not that thin.

10) Laugh at my foolishness for thinking that my hands are like Mr. Fanstastic's. Weep on the inside for my pen.

11) Stare longingly at my pen and consider giving up on it as a fair amount of time has passed.

12) Look over and see coat rack and big, thick plastic hanger calling to me.

13) Shout "Eureka!" inside of my head while the weeping ceases.

14) Attempt to dislodge pen using magnificent coat hanger. Accidentally push pen closer to wall.

15) Curse.

16) Notice weeping starting inside of my head again.

17) Look around surreptitiously to see if anyone is watching this whole circus show unfold.

18) Act cool. (Well, try to.)

19) Have minor success with coat hanger on second attempt. Pen is moving closer!

20) Try to pull cap off pen with skinny Ms. Fantastic fingers.

21) Weep (on the inside) when cap won't budge.

22) Try to move the cabinet again with my large ass pushing up against it.

23) Realize I don't have a large ass.

24) Curse my small ass.

25) Stare longingly at my pen.

26) Look at watch. Feel a little silly for spending all of this time trying to get a pen.

27) Remember how wondrous the pen wrote.

28) Go back in with magic coat hanger.

29) BREAK thick and sturdy plastic coat hanger in two while simultaneously lodging pen further down into the depths of despair.

30) Curse and weep.

31) Sadly give up.

32) Go back to desk and mourn.

33) Send e-mail to myself at home reminding me to go to the store to buy a new pen.

34) Go to the store the next day and find all of the pens sold out.

35) Weep on the inside (There are cute boys in the store. Must mainatain composure.).

36) Walk by the file cabinet every day for 2 weeks and stare longingly at pen, left there for dead. Swear I hear pen weeping and saying it misses me.

37) Sidle up to poor older security man as he is passing the file cabinet and ask if he can shimmy it a little so that I can get my pen out from in-between.

38) Hide look of shame when he looks at me like I am crazy because of the lovingly way I say "my pen."

39) Weep (on the inside) when he tries to move cabinet and it doesn't budge. (Hah!) Damn cabinet.

40) Assist him by trying to push it again with my stupid small ass. Use hands, too.

41) Gasp when the cabinet actually moves and I see my pen fall to the floor in freedom.

42) Grab my pen so fast security guard looks at me like I'm a raving maniac.

43) Thank him profusely and run off to desk to reunite with pen.

44) Cry in advance for the moment when the pen will run out of ink. Hope it's near Halloween so I can have a new pair of dueling demons to take its place.

45) Weep when I realize I have just written an entry this long about a PEN.

(sigh)

But seriously, have I mentioned how AWESOME this pen is?


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.