Hi. It's me, Pam. We need to talk. Okay, so I've been a fan for 7 years - I'm not ashamed to say it. I hold my head high and will proudly tell people that yes I DO like Hanson when they give me that look. You know, the "Bitch, you crazy?" look. I am immune to the look. Anyhoo, I feel that we need to discuss your new album. I was all excited for it to come out on Tuesday. I had the day off from work, so I got to pick it up a little early and spend some extra time with it. Hence the talk we need to have. Shall we?

First of all, Taylor: You know I love you to pieces. I loved you even when it was slightly creepy and very illegal to have such thoughts about a 16 year-old boy. At one time when you were looking a little, um, girly, it made me wonder for a nanosecond if I was a lesbian pedophile. But then it passed. But really, what I'm trying to say is that even though you're married now and have a child, you're still my boy. Also? In person you are astoundingly beautiful. Man. Pretty never looked better on a boy. And then when you break out the moans when you sing? [thud]

Now onto Isaac: I have to say, you're looking a whole hell of a lot better these days. Cutting your hair 4 years ago was a stroke of genius. You've got a great dorky personality, too, which makes you cuter. Bottom line? Yeah, I'd probably nail you. But that's neither here nor there. What was my point again? Yeah, it's all good, baby.

And little Zac all grown up: Um. Yeah. Meh.

So let's talk about your CDs. Middle of Nowhere was a pure pop delight. I may have felt a little dirty enjoying Taylor's mid-pubescent moans, but that's okay. Great album. SO much more than that damn MMMBop. (The only song I can't listen to? Lucy. Yeah, Zac shouldn't sing lead. Ever.) Then 3 years and 2 haircuts later you bring us This Time Around. (I'm pretending most of the Christmas album just never happened. Blissfully unaware of all but 3 tracks. tra-la-la) Taylor has left puberty behind and emerged looking hot as hell and sounding alarmingly sexy to me. I want to have sex to one song that he moans a lot in. Wait, did I just type that? Forget you saw that. Moving on.... Ahem. Oh yes, so This Time Around. Kickass album. Total kickass. I only have problems with one song (the Zac song, of course) but it gets saved when Taylor kicks in at the bridge. Thank you, Taylor. My only other problem with the album is that my favorite track (I Don't Know) ended up as a bonus track on the import and a B-side on a single. Hmmph! Anyhoo, so there is that.

Now let's move on to your new CD, Underneath. I enjoy most of the acoustic EP that came out last summer, so I was prepped for some of the songs on here. Out of the 13, there are about 4 that I'm not too keen on. However, there are also about 6 that make up for those other ones in spades. Good stuff. But let's get down to the nitty and the gritty. Now let me just remind you that I watched the VH-1 Spotlight on Hanson special and I know you recorded 80 possible songs. After listening to the 13 songs that you decided to put on the album, I have to say that some of them make me wonder what the other 63 were like. Because come on, something like Broken Angel makes it on there? Remember what I said earlier about Zac singing lead? Yeah, he shouldn't do it. At all. He sucks. He's a great harmony helper, but on lead? NO. Just no. I still haven't made it through the first verse of that song, it's so painful. And another thing - do you really expect a song named Dancin' in the Wind to be good? That title is just MADE to be bad. I challenge anyone to make a good song with that title in the lyrics. It's just...gay. "It feels just like we're dancing in the wind...." GAY. Also? YOU HAD 80 SONGS TO PICK FROM. Gah. Finally, you let Zac sing two songs and Isaac only one? In the great words of Adam Sandler on SNL, "Whoooo are the ad wizards who came up with that one?" Isaac may not be the best singer of the bunch, and he has that weird accent that you just can't place, but he can sure sing circles around Zac. Isaac's song is one of the best on the album. He should at least get 2. But no more. I love my Taylor too much. And speaking of the Taylor - you know I love you baby, but please please pleeeaaase take the marbles out of your mouth when you sing. Half the time I just sit there looking perplexed, all, "Wha???" And moan more. That one's just for me. Thanks.

Hoping for a Zac-singing-lead-free future! Yours,

Pam

P.S. I love that a review called Taylor the Beyonce of the group and basically advised him to flee. Flee!!!!!!!!!!!

P.P.S. Please release either Hey or Deeper as your next single, or I may have to harm Zac's vocal chords. Thank you.

CD Pick of the Day: See, now I feel like I've given this CD a bum rap. The songs that are good are kickass. It's just the 4 meh ones that get me. And some of them are better on the acoustic CD. But in any event, I'll still recommend it. And I'll make an even better recommendation: Make your own CD, replacing the clunkers with the acoustics. Word. (And did I mention that This Time Around is kickass? I'm not even kidding. Look beyond the name. Beyooooooooond.)

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before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





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