So my mom went out tonight to go visit one of her friends who is dying. She may even die overnight tonight or tomorrow. The whole thing of actually knowing when someone is about to die just brings back memories of my first experience with death. I was 11. I'm of the firm belief that children's first experiences with death should be someone really old, someone they may not see too often, like a great-aunt or something. Their first wake should be the type where people are talking and smiling, catching up and reminiscing. Someone who is ready to go, and people can handle it pretty well. I wasn't so lucky.

Like I said, I was 11. So was the girl who died. She was one of my best friends. All through first through sixth grade, we had this close-knit group of 5 girls who were all the best of friends. She had double pneumonia and had been in the hospital for a while, but at that age, you never even consider death as an option. I would send cards to her all the time, telling her about my new boy crushes and detailing all the things we would do when she got better. But she didn't. I think the worst probably fell on our parents, though. My mom came to me the morning of the day my friend died and told me that she was probably going to die that day. I remember asking her repeatedly to take me to the hospital to see her. I could see how much it pained my mother to have to tell me no. I've never heard a phone ring so loud as it did later that afternoon with the news of my friend's passing. I remember thinking I could be all strong and just calmly retreating to my room, only to emerge a few minutes later to run and collapse, weeping into my mother's lap. I can't even imagine how hard it was for any one of our parents to even have to tell us that horrific news, let alone see us trying to come to grips with it. There are no words to describe how it felt for me. It was a new place, a new feeling, and all I knew is that I never wanted to feel it ever again. Luckily my friends and I were able to hold it together during the wake. We were trying to be strong for my friend's poor parents. Weeks later, the 5 of us would bolt out of class when our music teacher came up with the bright idea that we sing a song in honor of our friend, and we headed to the bathroom where we all just cried in each other's arms. It was strangely therapeutic. There are moments in life that stick with you and you remember as vividly as when they were occurring. That is one of them for me. I'm still very glad we were able to bond together to get through the calling hours. I've never been to a more somber event than the wake of a child. Overwhelming sobs are the only sound that break the chilling silence. I didn't know how these things worked. I didn't know what to do. I just sat there, numb. My friends and our parents were there the whole time, looking just as dazed and devastated. It was not a good way to be introduced to the world of death at all. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The weird thing is that after that, to my friend's parents, we were all going to be frozen in time at that age. We would forever be known as their daughter's friends, part of her world. We would all share an unspoken bond that carried us through the years. I run into my friend's parents every now and then and it doesn't seem like they have aged to me at all. I think the same holds true for them. I may look older, but I'm still the girl who used to come and play on their Slip N' Slide with their daughter. Maybe it's more comforting that way. I hope so.

(Okay, I'm done bringing y'all down for now. I'll try to make it upbeat next time. :-) )

Celebrity Boyfriend of the Day: Steven Tyler
Yes, I know many of you are saying "Ew!!!" right now, but I just find him strangely attractive. He is, to me, Sex-On-A-Stick.

before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.