I'm not really sure what I've done to him, as I doubt he knows about my dead-on impersonation of him and my mocking of his pants and sleeves being too short, giving him a Frankenstein vibe. Aren't the dentists the ones who cause all of the pain? I haven't done anything! I don't bite. I don't wince, flail my head around or shout obscenities at him, yet somehow he's against me. And how do I know this? Well, I think tip #1 was the smoke coming out of my mouth while he was drilling yesterday. And I'm not talking a little pansy-ass whiff. This was pure smoke, like I was Puff the Magic Dragon. I don't know what the hell he was doing in there, but all I know is that shit is NOT right. The smoke alone wouldn't have been enough to convince me that he was trying to fire me - no, that happened when he PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE. That's right, my dentist "accidentally" punched me in the face. He was busy trying to rip my head off of my shoulders by trying to force this sandpaper-y strip of paper between my teeth, which just wasn't happening and led to him throwing my head around like a rag doll. Then one of his hands just let go and he punched me right in the face. And then? He just mumbled a quick, "Sorry," that had NO merit to it at ALL and went back to making me into Pam, the Twisty-Head-Doll.

What did I do? Was it my love of anesthesia? He did look at me funny earlier when he was giving me a referral to have a wisdom tooth taken out and I asked if he thought they would put me out for it. I think he thought I was fearful and started trying to soothe my worries, saying it probably wouldn't necessarily require it - I cut him off and just blurted out, "But I love anesthesia!" He just stood there and looked at me oddly, trying to figure out if I was kidding. I just yelled it out more, "No, really! I like being put to sleep!" Then he just cocked his head, said, "Hmmm. Most people don't," and then turned back to scribbling in my chart. I wonder if he made me like Elaine Benes, the "difficult" patient. I think I'd probably be more like the "crazy" patient.

But really, I do love anesthesia. Is that weird? I've had 7 operations since I was 18 and enjoy the whole being put-to-sleep thing. I think it's probably a good thing that I've never been nervous about the surgeries. If you have the right attitude, you can learn to enjoy the fringe benefits of someone saving your life. The drugs they give you beforehand? Heavenly. The look of surprise on a resident's face when you ask him, "Who gets to shave me?" Awesome. The smile and peace that comes to you when an anesthesiologist leans over and says, "Goodnight" - well, quite serene. Maybe I should go be a motivational speaker at O.R. holding rooms. I will motivate! Well, only if I get to dance around from foot to foot and shout, "You're having an ingrown toenail removed? Well, la-di-freakin'-da!" Now I just need a van. And a river. And a dentist who won't punch me in the face.

before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.