Wow, is it that time of the year already? 2004 MTV Video Music Awards, baby. Hopefully this year I know more and won�t spend the whole night asking, �Who�s that?� After the fun I had doing last year�s report, I tried to wrangle Lucy again, but she�s unfortunately unavailable. And yeah, then there�s that whole �living in another state� thing. In any event, I�ll have to go it alone. So yeah, the 2004 VMAs - let�s do this bitch, y�all�.
*Pre-Show*
Ashlee Simpson � well, this is a conundrum. On the one hand, I have to give her props for not lip-synching, but on the other hand�yeah, she kinda sucked. It was like she was just howling haphazardly and hoping to hit the right key. And why do her bangs still bother me so much? Too short!
Jay-Z: I hear that guy has a shitload of problems. 99, to be exact.
Is John Norris wearing a straitjacket? What�s up with that outfit. Oh John, poor John � you are WAY too old to even be trying to pull that off.
*The Show*
Why is Lil� Jon eating the microphone? Back that shit up, Lil� Jon.
Shaq � Ugh. I�m still not forgetting Kazaam there, buddy.
Best Rap Video � I�ve only seen one of these videos before. But now I need a big shoe like Ludacris has. I want that shoe. MUST have the shoe. Maybe I can get the big hand from the Foo Fighters video to go along with it�.
Oh God, that drummer in Jet needs about a 4-day shower. Ew.
The rock set of Jet, Hoobastank and Yellowcard � I don�t know who has the uglier lead singer. It�s quite a close race. Whither the Gavin Rossdales?
Is that guy in Yellowcard playing the thrash violin???
Commercials: Taye Diggs, one of the few reasons my TV will be tuned to UPN this fall. Mmm, mmm, MMMM.
Ooh, Chaka Khan � OUCH. FIND THE KEY. Damn! My ears�my poor ears. Chaka, what has happened?
Well, since Usher is all about the confessions, here�s one of mine (and it�s not about a girl on the side): This is the first time I�ve ever heard a Kanye West song.
Christina! I don�t care what you say, I love that girl.
Boy, they were really reaching with some of the nominees in the �Best Male Video� category this year. Senorita? Really? Have they heard the ending to that song?
Oh�good�Carson Daly. When will he go away?
Kravitz � dude, put on a shirt under that suit jacket.
Am I the only one who automatically starts reciting, �They call me U-S-H-E-R R-A-Y-M-O-N-D, now tell me what you want to do to me, baby,� whenever she sees Usher? Oh. I am? Okay, moving on, then.
Alicia Keys � you look good without those braids, baby.
Commercials: Ooh, the big Gap commercial � I�m not ashamed or afraid to say it: nice ass, Sarah Jessica Parker.
The Yin Yang Twins! Who?
Oh my God, I am SO out of touch. What has happened to me?
Oh Bruce Willis � why are you dancing? No, no, no. Although, I think I�ll take him dancing over the return of Bruno.
�Best Rock Video� � hey, I know all of this stuff. Suddenly I feel so very white. And however many times I see it, that Darkness video still creeps my shit out.
Oh great, finally, the moment I have tuned in to see: the members of Jet sucking face with their women. Guys, I just ate. Please.
Jessica Simpson � lose the baby voice and weird accent and stick to the belting when you sing and we�ll all be fine. And Ashlee? I hope you�re paying attention to your sister � she just gave you a schooling. I don�t even like that first song, but gotta give the girl her props- she can sing. Also? I want those pants.
Jon Stewart � why am I slowly getting the feeling that you�re too good for this show?
Commercials: Pam�s Confessions, Part II: I kinda want to see that Trey Parker/Matt Stone puppet movie. Is that wrong?
Ah, Christina and Nelly � very interesting. Reminds me a little of a modern-day tribute to the big Battle of the Bands scene in Xanadu. In any case, welcome back Christina � my favorite dirty girl.
Oh Diddy � you always look so sharp, but what happened to you to make you think a MOHAWK would be a good look on you?
Did Alicia Keys change into a fright wig for her performance? What�s up with that? And what is Lenny Kravitz doing, auditioning to play Birdman?
Hey Jay Z, I�m as bored as you�re looking right now. I feel your pain.
Denied getting to look at Adam from Maroon 5? Damn it!
Ashlee Simpson, I believe the Masters of the Fug will have something to say about you. I shall leave it to them.
Elephant Man? Who?
The Polyphonic Spree � WTF? Did Lindsey Buckingham join a cult? You know, I do enjoy the use of the french horn, though. You just don�t see that used enough in pop music these days.
Andre 3000, you were just voted the best-dressed male musician - what's up with the shirtless ascot look? He looks strangely like the African American version of my ex. Weird.
John Mellencamp??? Why?? Yeah, I think it's time to call it a night when he comes on. Good night everyone, and see you next year....
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Past Award Show Wrap-Ups:
2003 MTV Video Music Awards, Pam & Lucy Style
before & after
2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile
Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.