Let me back up. When I first started school, we had a venerable old music teacher who would come in once a week and teach us actual things about music. We learned the difference between half, quarter, and whole notes as well as many things pertaining to the art of the hold and fermata. I still remember us clapping out this whole �ta-ta-ti-ti-ta, ti-ti-ta-ta-rest� thing as an example. My brother can still do it from memory as well. I believe the tas were whole notes and the tis were half notes. Anyway, the bottom line is that this lady was legit. We had music class and she taught us general music knowledge. She even had a chorus complete with students playing the bells, or as they were better known, The �You are tone deaf. Here, play this bell� Brigade. Then, when I was in 4th grade, the wonderful music teacher retired and we were left with a new one to suffer through our last 3 years of grade school with. And oh boy, did she make us suffer. Although, now that I think about it, we also suffered in kindergarten when our teacher used to make us sing There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly all the time. What an uplifting song to make 5 year-olds sing every week. Sure, it seemed harmless with its jaunty melody and the really fun part where you started singing it all really fast, but really � did they ever think about the lyrics? The whole thing goes on about all that happens after this poor, unfortunate woman swallows a fly and then it ends with the very blas� sung, �I guess she�ll die.� Yeah, sucks to be her. If anyone ever wonders again where my generation was taught apathy, it can be traced back to when we were 5 years old, having a teacher instruct us to basically shrug our shoulders and ignore a poor old woman�s plight. �I guess she�ll die.� Eh, pass the paste, I�m hungry.

Sorry, I got lost on tangent highway there. Where was I? Oh yes, the bad music teacher who came in when I was in 4th grade. This woman would show up in our classroom every week with a box full of dime store instruments, wanting us to sing and play along with her. I�m sorry, but I don�t know any song that requires 6 people playing the triangle. Aspiring Ed Grimleys aside, I believe the rest of us got to choose between the requisite maracas and tambourines. The beauty of it all was that most classrooms had about 25-30 kids in them and this woman only had about 10 instruments. Most of us were smart enough to look away when she was handing out instruments, so the same people seemed to be stuck with them every week. We even had to share music books, which were these large textbooks filled with song after song. However, we sang the same 3 songs for 3 years straight. I don�t understand it. And these songs? They were ridiculous. Sloop John B? You�ve got to be kidding me. WHY? And why do I still know all of the words to the chorus?

So hoist up the John B. Sails,
see how the mainsail sets
Send for the captain ashore,
I wanna go home
Please let me go home
�Cause when I feel so break up
I wanna go home

I can�t even emphasize how loudly my friends and I would shout out the �I wanna go home, please let me go home� line. The teacher was such an idiot that she would get all excited, commending our participation and the fact that we were singing it out loud and proud.

You know, as I was just typing that I got curious as to what the verses to that song were since I couldn�t remember. I just looked it up online, and this song is yet another fine example in the �What the hell were they making us sing?� argument. Case in point:

�We sailed on the Sloop John B,
my grandfather and me
Around Nassau town we did roam
Drinking all night, got into a fight
Well, I feel so broke up
I wanna go home

Verse 2:
Well the first mate, he got drunk
And broke in the Captain�s trunk
Constable had to come and take him away
Sheriff John Stone, please leave me alone
I feel so broke up
I wanna go home

Verse 3:
The cook, he got the fits
And ate up all of my grits
Then he went and ate up all of my corn
Oh let me go home, please let me go home
This is the worst trip I�ve ever been on

And this is the worst song I�ve ever been forced to sing for 3 years straight. Why would she pick this out of what had to be at least a 250-page book full of songs? Aaauuggghhh, and now it�s stuck in my head. Get it out! Get it out!

I know what will get it out: Flea.

Please tell me that my school was not the only one in the world to force children to sing this song. Does anyone remember it? It�s a catchy little ditty, but once again, it begs to be asked, �What the hell kind of songs were they teaching us?� To wit, I give you the lyrics to that musical masterpiece, Flea (complete with echo!):

Flea! (Flea!)
Flea fly! (Flea fly!)
Flea fly, mosquito! (Flea fly, mosquito!)
Oh, no no no more mosquitoes (Oh, no no no more mosquitoes)
Itchy itchy, scratchy scratchy, ooh I�ve got one down my backy!
(Itchy itchy, scratchy scratchy, ooh I�ve got one down my backy!)
BEAT that big, bad bug with the bug spray
(BEAT that big, bad bug with the bug spray)
Tssssssssssssss!!!

I just looked for this song online and found that it is sung by many a scout troop. I was never into any of the scout things, as TV meant more to me, so I wouldn�t know about that. But people all over the country seem to love the Flea! I still don�t understand why we had to sing it every week for 3 years. Do the people behind Save the Music know that the forcing of children to sing Flea every week may have had something to do with schools wanting to cut music programs? I�m just saying. What music teacher in their right mind deigns that song to be so wonderful that it must be sung every week? I�m all for Save the Music, but save it without those teachers and the Flea. Teach the kiddies something worthwhile, like how to grow up to be like Adam Levine. Don�t teach them to sing about being attacked by a germy insect or getting drunk and getting into a fight while out carousing with your grandfather. More �Ta, ta, ti, ti, ta,� less Flea. And dammit, now it�s stuck in my head!

�Oh, no no no more mosquitoes�.�

That�s it, I shall never let my mind wander again.


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.