Everything's More Fun In Pigtails!

2004-11-12 || Why Don't People Like To Play With Me?

"Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name...."

Because of the holiday yesterday, Lucy decided to come and stay at her parent's house Wednesday night so she could take her aunt out on Thursday. This afforded us an opportunity to make a weeknight trip to our bar, which is something we haven't done in a long, long time. And oh man, was it overdue. It was so nice to go in and see some of the old faces that we don't usually see if we stop in on the weekends. There's also something nice about pulling up a barstool and hearing the bartender shout your names and ask where you've been. They must miss the entertainment of us acting like fools. Happy to oblige anytime.

Anyway, this time our friend Andrew decided he'd like to come and join us for a few drinks. I don't think the poor guy knew what he was in for. But after he indulged in the sweet nectars of a whiskey sour, a margarita, and some beer, I got to see a new side of Mr. Andrew. I've known him for a few years from working with him in plays. He's VERY Italian and proud of it, to the point of where his bedroom is decorated with a Scarface poster and mirror art with the New York skyline. He adores DeNiro, Pacino, Tony Soprano, etc. You know the type. But what's funny about Andrew is that he has the macho thing going on, but he's also a bit silly as well, which doesn't come out too often. This is probably why I couldn't stop laughing when he went from talking about the horror of me never having seen The Sopranos to this rant: "You know what I hated when I was little? I used to friggin' watch the Muppet Babies and they never friggin' showed Nanny. Why was that? It used to piss me off so much. Why would they never show Nanny? I WANT TO KNOW WHAT NANNY FRIGGIN' LOOKS LIKE! Oh, and then that movie Fantasia? I used to watch the whole friggin' thing and be waiting for it to start! What the hell was up with that shit? Broomsticks dancing and shit. What?! I kept asking my mother where Mickey Mouse friggin' was. 6 hours of that broomstick shit. That's the worst friggin' movie. It never started!"

My only response to that was, "Well at least they showed Mickey Mouse instead of just his striped socks." This, of course, set off a whole new round of Nannyfied ranting. Love it.

When that was over, I figured we'd introduce Andrew to 'Marry, Fuck, Kill.' I'd also like to take this opportunity to complain to the makers of the rip-off board game of 'Marry, Date, or Dump?' C'mon, people, you HAVE to have the kill option. It's what makes the game. Without it, you can nail everyone. You MUST be able to kill. Do these people not understand? Anyway, here are some highlights from our night as the game and the booze went on:

PAM: (to Lucy) You killed Jude Law!!!

LUCY: I had to!

PAM: You NEVER have to kill Jude Law.

LUCY: But I couldn't kill Jake Gyllenhaal or Paul Walker.

PAM: YOU KILLED JUDE LAW!!!

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PAM: Okay, Andrew - Nell Carter, Janet Reno, and Rosie O'Donnell.

ANDREW: I'm never playing this with you again.

(later)

PAM: Here's one for Andrew - the First Ladies Edition: Barbara Bush, Nancy Reagan, and Hillary.

ANDREW: I have to get rid of Hillary, I hate her. I'll marry Nancy Reagan - wait, no, hold on. That would mean I'd have to screw that old broad. ARGH! I have to think about this now. Oh, and I'm never playing this with you again. You're evil.

PAM: You should really think about banging Nancy after what Too Short had to say about her.

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PAM: YOU KILLED JUDE LAW!!!

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PAM: Okay, Lucy - actors who now model on the side edition: Paul Rudd, Adrien Brody, and Luke Wilson.

LUCY: Ooh, I love Adrien Brody!

PAM: Me, too. You know, I bet he's hung like a horse.

ANDREW: What did you just say?!

LUCY: You know, those tall and lanky ones usually are.

ANDREW: Oh my God.

PAM: You're getting a glimpse into the secret world of girls right now. You must never speak of this again!

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