I�m notoriously picky when it comes to guys (hence the whole single and 30 thing), but I�m starting to think that I�m getting worse as I get older. This can�t be good. Long ago, I used to say that I wanted a guy who could make me laugh and who knew who Oran� Juice Jones was. Oh, and he had to at least be attractive enough to me for me to want to kiss him. I have weird taste in guys sometimes, so �conventionally attractive� doesn�t always come into play with me. Skinny and weird � that�s how I like �em. However, I was thinking the other day about all of the other requirements that I�ve added to my list, and it�s a little crazy. Maybe I�ll just chalk it up to me being older and more experienced, thus knowing what I do and don�t want in a guy. I�m willing to let the Oran� Juice Jones thing slide now, but he�d better know who Barbra Streisand is. It still boggles my mind that a guy I went out with didn�t know who she was. HOW?????!! Anyway, here�s what I imagine my personal ad would look like if I were to ever write one up:
SWF looking for someone who can make me laugh. No, really. I mean that. This is the one thing I won�t waver on. I�ve done the whole �humor the guy even though everything he says that he thinks is funny is painfully not, but he�s cute, so I�ll laugh.� I don�t have the time or energy for that now. I�m old. You don�t have to be a certified hottie, but I have to want to kiss you. I have varied tastes looks-wise, but I have a soft spot for those who are skinny and a little dorky. The scrawnier, the better! Bonus points for either being or having been a skater boy at some point in your life. You also have to have at least a working knowledge of pop culture. I prefer someone with a strong knowledge of it (and who knows who I�m talking about when I mention Oran� Juice Jones), but I�ll take a working knowledge. You know who Barbra Streisand is. This is non-negotiable. You don�t have to be a TV junkie, but you have to respect that I am. There are certain nights during the week when I don�t want to talk to you after 8 PM. Nothing against you � I don�t want to talk to anyone - I�m busy. (During repeats and the summer, I�m all yours.) You have to be understanding about health issues as well, because I�ve got a lot of �em. No stupid voice mail/answering machine greetings, either. If you can�t top George Constanza�s Greatest American Hero greeting, don�t even try. (And really, who can?) No songs, no stupid voices, no skits, and none of that pretending to be home shit. Plain and simple. Exceptions are made in certain instances, such as for the camp value of the old �Nobody�s Home� message that is set to Beethoven�s 5th, but it�s really better to keep things simple. Now, let�s talk about your footwear. Sandals are only acceptable on about 5% of guys, and never the Jesus ones. Or huaraches. I really don�t want to see your feet. Black sneakers are also questionable, but some are allowed. And please no jean shorts. I like it if you�re creative and have a passion about something. If it�s music, you just scored major bonus points. If it�s Civil War reenactments, you just lost those points. I�m easy-going, so I don�t want someone who wants to fight with me or is moody. I�m not a camper or a hiker, so if you�re looking for an outdoorsy wilderness girl, keep looking. I like to play sports, but I will not go to the gym with you. I�m also not into the whole wining and dining thing. That won�t impress me. Take me to the circus. If you suggest going to the Blue Man Group, you will never see me again. You should appreciate the humor in camp and bad movies and be able to handle our prison rules game days. You should also be cool with the fact that I go to the movies with my brother all the time. You can come, but he�s coming, too. I�m weird. If you can�t handle my sock monkeys, you can�t handle me. I don�t want your money. I have my own. I want to hang out and laugh my ass off. Give me that and you�re golden. Oh, and only good kissers need apply!
Hmmm. I�m not sure that�s exactly short and to-the-point. But yeah. That should be easy to find, right? Right? ...Hello? Hello? Bah!
Who says I�m picky?
Question of the Day: Is that the Ice Princess soundtrack?
Yes, yes it is. In my defense, I did not see the movie and I bought the soundtrack because my favorite singer, Lucy Woodward, has a song on there. She does a cover of Bjork�s It�s Oh So Quiet which is currently rocking my world HARD.
before & after
2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile
Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.