There's not much more in the way of excitement going on around here lately. The only interesting thing I can think of is that my life has been strangely porn-filled lately. I'm not quite sure why. A couple of weekends ago I was hanging at a friend's house and we stumbled upon some soft core Skinemax and then for some reason couldn't turn it off. It was funny. We read the decription for one show and it involved a lonely copywriter who couldn't decide between a man or a woman. Of course, we had to watch to find out which one she chose. We just had to! Actually, I think we just watched to ridicule it because it's just so bad. I think I'm one of the worst porn watchers, because I can't get into it. This must be why I never watch it. I'm too concerned with trivial things, such as who is going to clean the leather couch after all of the mess being made on it. "People have to sit there! They probably eat snacks on that very couch while watching TV. Ew!" I was also concerned with one man's inability to have sex for more than 45 seconds. "What is he, a one minute man? Why would girls want him?" A friend of mine at work told me today about some porn he watched last week involving people outside on a picnic table who were wearing nothing but sneakers. What? Why? But the thing that concerned me most was the splinter factor. I couldn't watch that because I'd be yelling about splinters the whole time. This is probably why I've never seen a full hard-core porn movie. I can't appreciate its use because of all of the other things I worry about. However, I was told today that I'm not missing much:
LUCY:
You've never seen a full hard-core porno, have you?
PAM:
No, I'm too concerned about the furniture and splinters.
LUCY:
Skinemax is much better. The other porn is like Wayne's World - "Extreme Close Up! AAAGGHHH!" It's just...just... kinda...
PAM:
Kinda medical?
LUCY:
Yes, it's not sexy at all. It's just all right there, HEY!! AAGHH! Gross.
PAM:
There's no need for that.
LUCY:
You know what? There is no need. It's so, so, porn.
PAM:
I think that should be our new phrase for things we don't like. "That is so porn."
LUCY:
Try this spoiled milk.
PAM:
Ew, that is so porn.
LUCY:
Awesome.
We often have nothing better to talk about than things like this. Moving on - where was I? Ah, yes, my porn-filled life. The day after the Skinemax episode I went into a porn shop with one of my friends. I hadn't been in one in a couple of years, but there is actually a pretty nice one near his house. Well, nice as far as porn shops go. Pretty classy for a porn shop! Anyhoo, the worst part of it all was that there was a really, really cute guy shopping in there. My friend was elbowing me, telling me to go talk to him. First of all, no. Then, no. You just do NOT try to pick up someone in a porn shop. I don't care if Jared Leto is standing there. It's just not right. I may give an okay on picking them up in the parking lot, but even that is totally questionable. In any case, it's just not done. "Hey Grandma, meet my new boyfriend." "Oh, lovely, where did you two meet?" "A porn shop." [Thud - Grandma is down!] So sorry, cute porn shop boy, it just wasn't meant to be. I was also having a porn-industry conversation with the guy at work who now has the porn star mustache and he was trying to remember a famous porn star's name, but couldn't. It was so funny when ten minutes later, he just turned from the computer and yelled out, "Marilyn Chambers!" Clearly, we really have nothing better to do with our time at work. Sadly, I don't think I have much better to do with my life when I'm not at work, either. Le sigh.
At least I smell better now.
before & after
2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile
Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.