Today was our semi-annual blood drive at work. While I am not a candidate to give (based on my borderline low blood count), I do give props to any of you that do, even if it is just for the free Nutter Butters. I've had to have 2 blood transfusions in the past, and they are a godsend. Extra kisses to you A negative folks out there. Woo! Anyway, the sign reminded me of my new mission to take charge of changing some things around here. I suppose the Summer of Fun is as good a time as any to start Operation Do Something, Dammit (aka - Stop Being a Lazy Bastard, Pam). The blood thing reminded me of my second transfusion, when I was 18. I almost died back then and I don't even really realize that or think about it. I was so sick that I had no idea what was going on, which is the best way to be, really. I don't know why I don't think about that at all, though, given that I have an 8 inch scar running down my belly to remind me of it every day. I guess it just wasn't real to me at the time, so I have never really acknowledged it. I can't even imagine what my poor parents were going through. Thinking about it now with the big 3-0 sneaking up on me, I sort of get the 'What do I have to show for my life?' thing going on. It's been almost 12 years, and even though I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life back then, I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't some of the things that I'm doing right now, especially career-wise. But then again, how many people can say that they're doing what they thought they would?

On the other hand, given my fickle health the last 12 years, I have done some good things. I did the college thing and scored a degree, I experienced real love, I did some acting and singing, I kissed some cute boys, I played strip poker, and I laughed a whole hell of a lot. I guess that given the circumstances, I haven't done half bad. But now I feel like change is afoot. Out of my 3 closest friends, 2 are married and the other just moved to the next state over. I'm ridiculously single and I've got a job that I'm basically in for the health care. Plus, I have to deal with random bouts of anxiety stemming from my long-term illnesses. All in all, though, it's not a bad life. But I just have the nagging feeling that I'm missing things. Maybe more things, or maybe different things. I don't know. But I think it's time I found out.

That's what I plan to do this summer: find out. I haven't figured out all of the ways yet, but that's okay. The unpredictability and spontaneity should prove to be one of the best parts. One thing that is certain, though, is taking steps to control my random anxiety attacks so I can carry out the Summer of Fun. I start that mission next week. I plan to have that conquered relatively quickly - my mind is very set on that. I also plan to get out more and maybe even try some new things. Just get out there and meet some new and interesting people, see where it all leads. This plan will all be culminated in the end of summer party that is JournalCon 2004! Woo! I've already registered - drop me a line if you're going! I don't know anyone there, but that's not going to stop me from going and having a blast. Just someone save me a seat at karaoke!

So that is my mission. Let the summer begin, and let's see what more I can make of this life. I'm going to add to it, enrich it, and have some damn ass fun while I'm doing it. Wish me luck....

Woo!

CD Pick of the Day: Gretchen Wilson, Here For The Party
Shit-kicking at its finest.

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before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.