I just stood in front of our office vending machine for a good five minutes, scratching my head in confusion and bewilderment at the choices that were presented to me. I�m a huge snacker (in my other life, my name is Snacky McSnacklot), but I usually bring my own chips/cookies/candy to munch on in the afternoon. Well, today I decided that I could REALLY go for a bag of Doritos, so I grabbed my money and off to the vending machine I went. I scanned the 3 rows of chip-related items, but saw no Doritos. Surely, that couldn�t be right. I looked again � no Doritos. Three rows of chippy things and no Doritos? Not even the taunt of a bag of Cool Ranch? WTF? Fritos? Check. Cheetos? Check. Doritos? NO. This wouldn�t bother me so much if this was a normal vending machine with 2 rows of chippy things, but this has 3 friggin� rows and nary a bag of Doritos in sight. And still, I�m not so much bothered by the lack of Doritos so much (although it is a HUGE oversight, vending machine vendorpersonthing) because at least there�s the Cheetos and the Fritos (holla!), but it�s what is taking the place of where the Doritos should be that�s bothering me. To wit, there are honey wheat pretzel braids. Okay, fine, the pretzel-eating population must be serviced � I can get behind that. However, what I can�t understand is the need to fill another slot with the ever-so-tantalizing sounding �honey mustard and onion nibblers � sourdough pretzel bites.� Listen, pretzel people � you get ONE slot. You don�t fill up another with some honey mustard and ass-flavored �nibblers.� We�re giving the Potato Stix people one slot, for crying out loud, we can�t afford to give away two for your honey mustard gym sock-flavored nonsense. Speaking of the Potato Stix � really? Do people even eat those anymore? I suppose they would eat those more than frigging �Andy Capp�s Hot Fries.� ANDY CAPP�S HOT FRIES??!! NO DORITOS??!! HONEY MUSTARD ONION ASS NIBBLERS?? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO???!! Ahem. Let me also point out that in addition to the lack of Doritos, there aren�t even any Lays or Ruffles or any non-salt and vinegar potato chip variety. Munchos? Hell no. Snyder�s of Hanover cheddar and bacon chips? Why yes, we have those. What the hell? At least get some Party Mix up in the thing � that satisfies a slew of snackers (and affords me the opportunity to announce that I have a party at my desk). I�m baffled.

To make matters worse, I then scanned the selection of �candy� choices. There are four things that take up two slots. FOUR. Do we need two slots of cheese and peanut butter crackers? I think not. Two slots of Hot Tamales? Really? Where are the Hershey bars? Mounds? Kit-Kat? Twix? ANYTHING???? Okay, there are Twizzlers and Reese�s Peanut Butter Cups, (both in two slots) but do people really eat Whatchamacalit bars more than, say, Junior Mints? Instead of M&Ms there are effing Chuckles. CHUCKLES, PEOPLE. What kind of a vending machine is this? But that�s not the worst, though. Oh, no. The biggest slap in the face? Taking up one prime candy-holding slot: Tombstone cooked salami sticks. I shit you not. Salami sticks. I�ve never even seen those in a vending machine before. Not that I would be for this either, but we couldn�t even get some Slim Jims instead? Salami sticks? Are they trying to make me weep? Because really, they�re succeeding. I think I�ll just go and whimper in the corner (along with my 85 cent bag of Fritos � not only is the vending machine a bastard, but I�m declaring some highway robbery up in here.). Those sobs you hear? They translate to �salami sticks� in morse code.

**Sorry about not doing a Grammy recap, but I recorded them as I had much more important things to do last night (Idol, Lost, Mars).

before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.