I think it was a little of both.

Saturday, Lucy and I headed to a party/reception for Rachel and Drew�s wedding. Pretty much the only people we really knew well enough to talk to were Rachel and Drew, so Lucy and I had to make our own fun. That�s never hard for us. A woman once came up to us in a bar and said she had been watching us and that we were a whole entertainment center in ourselves. That�s us � we prefer �Party in a Bag.� �Did you invite Pam and Lucy?� �Party in a bag? Of course!� Well, we like to think people say that when planning parties. Anyway, we indulged in one of our favorite activities at the reception, which is finding people who look like celebrities. They�re everywhere! Sometimes when we play and alcohol is involved, �look like� may be a strong phrase to use. There�s usually much disagreement going on with the boozing. For some reason, we also always find people who look like the most obscure celebrities. There are no Brad Pitts hanging around this part of town. One of our regular bartenders is David E. Kelley. Forget Michelle Pfeiffer, we�ve got her husband! Neener to you, Hollywood. I also saw Wilford Brimley driving a minivan while on my way to work one day. The best one I ever found was Kid Rock � the guy looked EXACTLY like him. When I mentioned this fact to him, all of his friends starting laughing and then the guy was all excited to show me his license because his middle name is Rock. He frowned on Pamela Anderson, though. Odd. Anyhoo, back to the party and the attending celebrities. I think there were only two there. There was a definite Carnie Wilson, post-operation. That one was pretty good. She really did look just like her. The other celebrity led to a bit of a debate:

LUCY:See that guy over there talking to Drew?
PAM:The guido?
LUCY: Yeah. It�s Billy Zane
PAM: WHAT? That�s an insult to Billy Zane!
LUCY:Come on, no way
PAM: He was The Phantom, for crying out loud!
LUCY: Why are you all about Billy Zane all of a sudden?
PAM: I like Billy Zane. �Listen to your friend Billy Zane�.�
LUCY: That was the best!
PAM: �It�s a walk-off.� Hey, why does Italian Billy Zane have his sunglasses perched on his forehead?
LUCY: Oh, God. Either put them on your eyes or on top of your head.
PAM: Maybe he�s trying to give the illusion of having four eyes.
LUCY: Yes, yes! It�s all an illuuuuusion.
PAM: Maybe he�s the Italian Doug Henning.
LUCY: Who?

It is at this point that I am horrified and spend the next several minutes berating Lucy and more importantly, the part of Lucy�s brain where she stores her pop culture knowledge for not knowing who Doug Henning is. Bad brain! BAD!

Where was I? Oh yes, the pervy dog. I�ve never had a dog stick its nose so hard into my ass before. I jumped about 10 feet. Creep. I found out later that it�s a girl dog. Great. I attract lesbian perv dogs. Perfect. Later on during the party, I looked over at the dog and she was scratching herself with her hind leg. When she looked up at me, she laid back and splayed her legs wide open. That�s a fine image to have while you�re eating. A gay, pervy, spread-eagle dog. I told Rachel about it, and she just shouted, �That dog is a CROTCH-SNIFFER!� In fact, she kept pointing and shouting �Crotch sniffer!� every time the dog walked by. Hey, at least I know now that I could have been molested worse. I think the worst part was that the dog looked like Santa�s Little Helper. I�ll never be able to watch The Simpsons the same way again.

For the ride home, I told Lucy about the hilarious road trip game that Heather and her friends play. The best examples of it are in her diary. You can check them out here and here. (Heather is SO my writing idol) Lucy prefers the word �screw� for sex, I think all stemming from White Men Can�t Jump, so we changed it to that so she could repeatedly growl the word �screw.� She�s not a very good player, though. When given the choice of 3 hot guys, she tries to kill herself. She also didn�t like my sidekick edition of Philip Michael Thomas, Art Garfunkel, and Oates. I don�t see the problem there.

We were then distracted from the game by the presence of a wood-sided PT Cruiser in front of us. We don�t get it.
LUCY: Outta our way, woody!
PAM: Okay, I can understand the old station wagons with the wood paneling, but why, oh why with the new car? Why would they even offer that?
LUCY: Those people made a conscious decision to buy a brand new car with wood paneling on the sides. It boggles the mind.
PAM: And why are they driving so slow? HEY! Move your Griswold-approved woody ass out of our way!
LUCY: Hee! The Griswolds!
PAM & LUCY (In unison): Holiday rooooooooaaaaaaaad�.

Continuing in the randomness of this entry, what is wrong with Jack White? I was discussing my desire to go to an upcoming White Stripes concert with my friend Kevin the other night, and he was complaining about the $30 ticket price. I was whining a bit about $30 for a general admission show, and then I said, �I just wanted to go so I could hump Jack White.� Kevin was horrified. He just shouted, �EW!!!!� Now, granted I was kidding about my intentions, but I am very strangely attracted to Jack White. He�s hot. And Kevin is someone who will root for any of his friends getting ANY kind of action. He�d support you and say �Hell yeah!� if you told him of your desire to do Bob Saget, for crying out loud. So what is up with the Jack White thing? Is he really that repellant? Have I lost what little sense of taste that I had left? Just something for me to ponder, I suppose. I hope Kevin�s just being ridiculous and I haven�t really crossed a line. I don�t want to start losing it and get to the point where I start calling Rachel for the crotch sniffer�s phone number. Please tell me I�m not going there. He�s hot, right? Right? Shit.

before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.