Before the show starts, two quick announcements: 1) Lucy is unable to make it, so we�ve got my mom (aka SockMommy, TM Jessica) doing some guest commentary this year. After her brilliant observation of, �Isn�t he embarrassed by this?� during R. Kelly�s Trapped in the Closet performance last year, she can come back any time. 2) I don�t like Jack Black. Yeah, I said it. So I�m just going to go ahead and get out my anticipatory �God, I HATE Jack Black� rage right now so I don�t have to mention it again the rest of the night.

Man, two awards shows in a row. Alright, let�s do this thing:

8:01 � Justin Timberlake starts off�singing? What is he doing? OWWW!! My ears!! Find the key, Justin! He sounds like a bad Mickey Mouse impersonation. �Hu-hi kiddies!� Ah, there�s the key � oh, wait - he�s lip-synching this part. Where the hell is SexyBack? AH � here we go. Wow, he REALLY should have not done that first song � that was horrific. It�s all good now. Wait � now he�s beat-boxing. I hate it when he starts that shit. This performance really illustrates my lukewarm relationship with JT.

8:07 � Intro (performers): Wow, I�m actually looking forward to most of these performers. How did that happen.

8:08 � Intro (presenters): FEDERLINE??? You can�t just try to sneak f�ing Federline in there.

8:11 � So Jack Black is claiming that HE is going to stop the suck of previous years? We are officially through the looking glass, people.

8:14 � Ooh, The Raconteurs�and Lou Reed? WTF? Where is Steady As She Goes??

8:18 � Best Male Vocal � My mom roots for Nick Lachey, who she doesn�t even listen to, and calls Busta Rhymes a �moron.� James Blunt takes it, to which my mom responds, �Well, if Nick couldn�t have it, it�s okay if he got it. As long as that moron didn�t.�

8:20 � I point out Vanessa Minnillo to my mom as Nick Lachey�s new woman, and she asks, �The one in the lumpy dress?�

8:26 � Andre 3000 presents in his equestrian outfit:
ANDRE 3000: How are you all doing tonight?
MOM: Better than you with those foolish boots on.

I love my mom.

8:27 � Best Hip-Hop Video � Daddy Yankee elicits my first �WHO?� moment of the evening. [Post script added � wow, this was my only �Who?� this year � I�m doing better! Or MTV is getting better with noms.]

8:36 � The Jackass crew�s first ad for Viewer�s Choice Award:
MOM: Why is the midget naked? Could they not find him any clothes that fit? [Naked midget jumps on Steve-O or Bam or whoever the hell that was.] Ew!

8:39 � Raconteurs again.
PAM: I would bring Jack White home.
MOM: Oh, you would SO bring Jack White home.

8:49 � My dad wanders downstairs during the Ludacris performance.
DAD: What the hell is this? That�s not singing.
PAM: Wait, Dad, here come The Pussycat Dolls.
MOM & DAD: (in unison) Who?
PAM: [sigh]

9:00 � Jessica Simpson is majorly annoying in a dress that barely covers her ass. Anyone surprised?
MOM: Is that supposed to be a dress?�

9:02 � Best Dance Video nominees.
MOM: Why are they always �featuring� somebody? Why can�t they just be by themselves? I don�t know any of these things.

9:06 � OK Go. Yes! I really want the guys in the band to be hotter, though.

9:13 � Commercial for Employee of the Month. Pop Quiz!
Who is more annoying?
A) Dax Shepard
B) Dane Cook
C) Andy Dick
D) Jessica Simpson
E) The genius who decided to put them all in a movie together.

Answer: F) All of the above

9:17 � Paris Hilton: Do I even need to say anything more? No, but I will � why is she posing back and forth like she�s on a runway? Someone please make her go away.

9:22 � Pink accepts the award for the video for Stupid Girls from Nicole Richie. Awkward much?

9:30 � Raconteurs � still no Steady As She Goes. I�m not happy.

9:31 - Snoop. Ah, harkening back to the days when Ron Wood and Keith Richards would be half in the bag and just carry their beers and booze right onstage at awards shows. Ah, the good old days. But I don�t think that�s beer � it looks like orange juice. Oh, Snoop, you rascal. You and your gin and juice! Also? I secretly want Snoop to call me �nephew.� That would rule my world.

9:39 � Beyonce performs.
MOM: (during big dance number at the bridge) Who does she think she is, Janet Jackson?
PAM: This is SO Rhythm Nation.

God, I loved that short movie. Did you ever see the long-form video with the little boy and everything? Good stuff.

9:41 � Diddy. Much like Paris Hilton, need I say more? He�s introducing TI, and I�m ashamed to say that I still don�t know who that is. I mean, I�ve heard of him, but I�ve never heard any of his songs. I�m keeping the record standing and switching over to the U.S. Open. Go, Agassi!

9:53 � Jared Leto. Jared, Jared, Jared. What has happened to you? Step away from Hot Topic and remember that you are 33 years old.
MOM: I hate his new look.
PAM: Such pretty wasted on such a weirdo. And I should know from weird, look at me. But he�s frigging weird.

9:55 � Best group video.
MOM: I know all of these people!
(Have I mentioned that my mom listens to alt-rock radio? You�d never know it if you met her. She�s so Mom-ish that you�d think she was adult contemporary all the way, but no � she hates that shit. My mom loves her some System of a Down. Awesome.)

9:57 � Raconteurs � FINALLY, Steady As She Goes.
PAM: Yes!
MOM: (after the song ends after a few bars) That�s it? Rip-off!

10:04 � AWARD FOR BEST RINGTONE???!!! That�s just ridiculous.
MOM: My Humps is going to win.
PAM: I don�t know, I think Kanye is going to take it. Wait, did we just try to predict the winner of the best freakin� ringtone?? We need help. I can�t believe they are actually showing this.
MOM: Pandering, that�s what they call this.
PAM: This is the longest acceptance speech of the night! DUDE, YOU JUST WON AN AWARD FOR A RINGTONE. SHUT UP!

10:07 � Panic! At The Disco performs. Once again, I really want the band members to be cuter. Hey, that guitarist isn�t bad. Hello! I�ve got to say, this is the performance I�ve enjoyed the most so far. Love the circus-y thing.

10:14 � Best New Artist � My mom starts singing harmony to Avenged Sevenfold�s Bat Country. Awesome.

10:22 � Ugh. Britney and Kevin. HA! Federline got the boo. Love it! And this little shtick thing they�re doing? Painfully unfunny.

10:26 � Kanye West�greeeaaaaat. I can�t stand him. Oh, it�s the Video Vanguard Awazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz���.

10:35 � Sarah Silverman: speaking of painfully unfunny�.

10:38 - Yo Momma commercial. Good lord, Wilmer Valderrama sure packed on the pounds. Fez wasn�t lying when he said he loved candy. This guy gets all the chicks? Really?

10:43 � Xtina! My dad wandered in and sat down at this point, observing, �She can actually sing, huh? Not like those Simpsons.� Also? Linda Perry kinda looks like a man in drag. As much as I love Christina, I was really hoping for something a little less classy and a little more dirrrty.

10:48 � Lou Reed, AGAIN. Who invited him??

10:52 � AFI wins for Best Rock Video.
DAD: Look at those outfits!
PAM: I�m more concerned with that one band member who looks like their Dad. What�s the deal with him?

11:03 � Tenacious D perform. Dude, you couldn�t pay me to go see their upcoming movie.

11:06 � The men of Jackass present the Viewer�s Choice Award to Fall Out Boy. Hey, where the hell is Johnny Knoxville? He�s the only reason I actually look up when they�re on screen! And why is Pete Wentz wearing a Sherlock Holmes cape-thing? Does The Gap know about this? Wait, did he just say, �Pete Wentz, woo!�? LAME.

11:08 � Al Gore: Like Hansel, he�s so hot right now.

11:10 � Wait, was that Axl Rose coming up? WTF? Haven�t they tried this gimmick with Axl a few times before and failed miserably?

11:16 � Ladies and Gentleman, J. Lo�s grandmother! Oh, wait � my bad. It�s J. Lo.

11:22 � Wow, Axl Rose is looking OLD. Maybe he should get together with Jennifer Lopez. Judging from her current cadaver, I mean husband, she likes them looking decrepit.

11:26 � The End! You know, that could have been FAR worse. But then again, it could have been a lot better � Jack Black was sucking my will to live the entire night. But I think the show is much better in NYC � artists actually show up for it now. Not bad, MTV, not bad.

And now, bed.

Next Entry Teaser: Teddy Geiger checked me out. Word!


before & after





2007-09-26 - Follow Me!
2006-09-30 - Site Move & Favorite Entries
2006-09-25 - Evil Easter Bunnies & Rock Climbing!
2006-09-22 - Shameful-Purchase Hiding & A New Dentist Plan
2006-09-19 - Birthday Picture/Video Diary & The Wheelmobile





Copyright 2003-2006 by Sockgirlie. Stealing is wrong.